Cried Out

Cried Out

Loved you even though I knew all ya faults
Never cared because you knew all mines from the start
Always respected me, at least that’s what you claimed
Had me willing to do anything for you stayed claiming ya last name
And you play me like a groupie from round the way
Must have got me confused with the bitches you fucked from back in the day
Forgot you taught me how to be a gutta bitch
Was already a rider cause the males in my fam taught me that shit

I please my man out of love and you know that
But if you push too much I’m not afraid to push back
Met ya cousins and ya boys heard ya tell ya mom about me
Know you a thug, ya own child call ya rowdy
But I loved you still
Held you down and kept it all the way real

So imagine my surprise when I heard you played me
Know not to believe that he said she said but the info was sum crazy
They told me shit I knew was true
Time frame fit and knew ya crew
Named ya kids and ya spots
Even called ya baby mama name out
All that shit added to my regular stress
No wonder I snapped and let tears my face them dress

After all this info you would think I’m through
But I still love you harder than a fat kid love food
I see I gotta love ya from a distance though
Always have a place in my heart just can’t let it show
Moving on to someone who treat me better
Was there for the drama so you know I deserve the sunny weather

Hope we remain friends though
My new man can’t stand you but he love it to see me happy so
If I ask him to trust me with you I think he can manage
Cause to lose you as my man is tough however it’s reversible damage
But to lose my best friend would be to much for me to handle
Compared to you my sisters can’t hold a candle
Even though from what I’m told you think I’m aggravating

So maybe we should lose all contact and I learn to deal with shit dolo
This the reason I’m scared to love don’t get pain when I’m solo
But I be closer to death cause I be on them suicidal missions
Welcoming all kind of pain sisters think I’m tripping
A place only love can reach me but can still be ignored
Where the tears flow none stop while my story goes untold
That’s the way I like it though a burden to no one
Just drown myself till I’ve cried myself out and the tears are done

Da Violent One Is Back

Hey world Lil' One aka babygirl aka Shorty aka Lanie aka N.O. aka Buffyy aka Chucky aka da Violent One and the list goes on, but I'm back in the building *in my Madea voice* "How ya durin?" lol

I know I been missing for a minute, but ummm school been kicking my ass. Combine that with all the bull shit that have been constantly getting thrown in my face since around Thanksgiving.

*screwed up face* Short version...Somebody been putting me under the bus had me thinking I was hoe for going on a little over a year. Then add to that the fact her sex life has larger numbers than I do when it come to the number of partners. Plus SHE is the one who has the bad rep not me........Yea lets just say she lucky I'm working on my temper.

But don't think I won't remember that shit, because the days of me jumping in some water head first behind her is over. Like the bitch always says she grown, so handle ya business like she grown without the help of me.

I never really wanted a dream to come true as much as I wanted the one where I beat the brakes off this bitch to come true.

All this situation has succeeded in doing is bringing THAT Bitch in me, and when I say my evil side is showing her head. That mutha fucker is coming out in rare form and with a vengeance like no other. The funniest thing about this whole thing is the fact the bitch got the nerve to have a stank attitude with me. I'mma let her have it though cause her duck ass still think we cool and shit.

Guess she didn't realize that the only reason that hoe been making it and not getting beat down by many a female was because no one wanted to deal with me. Now since I don't fuck with her i wonder how longit's going to take for her to get her ass bust. *shrugs* Not my problem just wish i could see it.

Talk to ya later,
*smooches*

-BabyGirl

DAMN!!!

Soooooo cutie I was digging and crushing on at my new school (MVSU home of the Devils 0_o). I'm talking really digging which surprised me. I haven't crushed on a nigga in a minute, I mean I would just tell them I liked them and call it a done deal. They liked me they liked me; they didn't they didn't fuck it. However, this particular young man I went back to old Lanie and I was shy as the fuck. Only time I got bold was when I was either high or drunk and that still wasn't what he needed to see.
I asked him if he was in a relationship or on the verge of getting into one, and he said he was thinking bout it. Insert sad face here.
*deep breathes* My bad. Had a moment. But add that to the fact I had a car accident Wed (Oct. 20) and all I can say after receiving 50+ calls from my stalking ass ex and all I can say is........DAMN!!!!!
In other news looks like I'mma be going home for the week after Christmas. Will keep you updated on that as time goes on.
Until next time,
*smooches*
-BabyGirl

Stating My Mind

I have notice that when people find out information about my Bestie they always say "You could do so much better" or ask "Why you with him?" Well to all the people with an issue I have one thing to say. KISS.MY.ASS.

Yes, there are things that a NORMAL/TYPICAL female would have found out and got ghost like fucking Bloody Mary, Jason, and Freddy after they ass. However, I learned that you should not judge a book by its cover. He maynot have gone to college but whenever we talk he teaching me shit. Yes, he has two daughters by two different women, but he takes care of his and always make sure they want for nothing. Showed me how to not only love myself, but how to have respect for myself also.

I had relationships with the "right" man. The age apporiate, socially acceptable, and man of equal-yoke. Those were the same men who: lied, cheated, belittled, broke down my self-esteem, and abused me mentally. Those are the men who my mother picked for me, said they were right for me, and wondered why I never lasted with them.

I may bring home hood niggas, but these are true men who will treat me like not only a queen but his best friend. We can disagree over something and not get loud about it. Feel comfortable with him where I can fall asleep on his cheast. Even on my worst day he makes me feel beautiful. Trust him with all my heart. Went to sleep with $1250 out in the open and he didn't take a dollar.

He my heart and when it comes time for me to take that next step I won't think twice about it. Love it, like it, or not I really don't care cause when the dust settles ya'll won't be there.

*smooches*
-BabyGirl

Letter to L.T.

Dear L.,
It has been over 5years since I talked to you, and even after what you did I cannot honestly say that I don't still care for you. If I was to be 100% truthful with how I feel, I still love as much as the last day we kissed. Dreams I remember having when we first met are starting to pop up again. Seem like everything is repeating now that I'm looking back.
- getting closer with my dad
- feel myself getting sick again
- thinking I'm pregnant
- depression setting in (worse this time around)
All the same things I was going through before. Only this time I'm not crying out for you, I'm crying out for my Bestie. He is the one who I found, fixed, and filled my heart after you broke, burned, and buried it.
I turned so cold after you played me that day. Didn't realize it then, but I returned to the lil girl you met that day. Set back out on that track of self destruction. Its not slowly your fault I shoulda been strong enough mentally to not let you in my head.
*smh* I love you but am requesting you leave my brain and dreams alone. Thank you soooooo much.
*smooches*
BabyGirl

CHRIS BROWN -DEUCES- SPOOF

How???

How the fuck people see me everyday, but they have yet to notice I been standing on the edge of a big cliff since I was about 14? The older I get the closer I seem to get to it. Pain seem to be the only thing to calm me down now. Sadly my tolerance(sp?) for it has just grown with time. Which means scratching myself isn't (yes I said isn't) doing the job anymore. Cutting leave to many marks I would have to explain. Refuse to fuck myself to death. Trying to stay away from smoking cause that would led to sex. Only thing left is pill popping, so I take a few too many and it knocks me out. Problem is I used to do the shit so much when I was younger shit don't even effect me anymore. They don't even put me sleep!!!!! Just crazy *smh* guess I'm meant to be here...don't know why I'm here but I am.

- Lanie

Bitch Move

Crying is a bitch move
One I really don't pull
Handle my business like a woman and just play my hand like a fucking goon
Niggas and bitchs who really know me know my mind set
Understand the pain I feel and can't help but respect the fact I play this shit like a vet
Constantly trying to get away from the uncalled for stress
But the closer I get to one marker the farther my main goal gets
I'm so sick of this shit
All I can do is vent
Know my girls mean well
But how it's looking the side I tried hard to bury
Coming out regardless so FUCK it
Just handle my target
Keep the blade ready
And make sure to stay strapped so I'm not considered a target
21 and already tainted goods
But its all good long as I'm not considered a punk
For pulling a bitch move and giving satisfaction to these knuckle headed punks
*smooches*
-Mz. N.O.B.

My Month!?!?!?!?

Hate this month but love it at the same time. Yes my bday is this month (the 17th) which is good....I guess?

Not doing anything special so I really don't give a fuck.

But I also have a lot of relatives who are born in this month. Some of whom are now no longer with us, what sucks?????

The fact that at times I wish it was me instead of them. They had kids or parents/siblings that really needed/cared for them that got left behind. I don't.

My "family" that I would truly go to war far are not even blood related...at least not the ones who are in they 30s and a female. *smh*

You would think I'd be happily counting down the days until my 21st BDay. Instead I'm just trying to make it to another day without breaking down or clicking out.

So to all those born in this beautiful month of July. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Hope u have a good day, week, and month :) .

*smooches*
-Mz. N.O.B.

***FLASHBACKS***

Sitting here enjoying my last day before I return to summer school. I'm reading the latest book for The Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J. R. Ward, and for some reason I can't help but have these flashbacks to me and the Bestie. It's not just one time though, but yet a combo off all the times we been together. Did I just say "but yet" oh wow I really need for my brain to get out of school mode for like 8 more hours lol.

Any-t-who reading all these sex scenes and how the characters' feelings for their other halves and add the slow jams that seem to be on repeat on the music channel. He is the only person I seem to be worried about. Which is funny to me on so many levels because he is my baby yes, but he is not my man.

The questions then comes: why do I act as if he is mines? *shrugs* Yes that is the question that I have been searching to answer for going on 3years now. The first year we hung I was in denile about my feelings so it does not count.

I guess the answer will come to me when it is meant for me to know.. When it bdoes promise ya'll will be the first to know. Ya'll know the deal though.

Until then
-Mz. N.O.B.

Need A Vaca

I'm in serious need of a vaca just a trip out this town or away from my parents both would be wonderful. Unfortunatly I got a feeling I won't be getting that or even a break. Nope just keep forcing my body to go through this bull shit and get back in shape. Hope that will get it to stop acting stupid and I won't have to go to the doctor like my girls want me to.

If it doesn't get better soon I will, but I'm tired of getting poked with fucking needles. Plus, I got to go to two specialists on the 20th anyway. *shrugs* They gonna run enough test on me then so screw it.

I'm not better by then I'll just tell them while I'm down there in Jackson. *smh* The price you pay for holding shit in.

Oh well deal with it when and if I have to. Hope I won't have too though. My brain going crazy enough on its own. That is another story though. *sighs* Until next time,

*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

My Birthday Wish

Cant help but wish I was home right about now. Need some food and drink only found in my great city. Add that to the idea of being fucked up with my girls, laughing at they friends, and cooling with my baby....my city keeps looking better and better for my birthday. Hopefully I will be but if not my sistes coming visit me that weekend, meaning regardless I'm going to have a good bday for a change. First time in 5 years I will actually have one to be exact.

My Love

It has been 3years and 9months since the last time we talked

You broke my heart on my birthday and after I could barely walk

My friends ask about ya

See niggas that remind me

But they can’t get a chance

Because I’m scared they’ll do

What you promised you would never

Should have known better

But I take it as a lesson learned

Only 17 and I already was a woman scorned

Then I met someone

Who was a nothing like you

Thought I had found someone I could trust

And again I was proven wrong

The only good thing I started writing poems

Downside I got attached to his kids

But what should I expect after being his for 4years

They flock to me like I’m their mom

Probably because I spoil and spend the time

By 18 I was a fulltime mother and wife

Went home and met my Bestie

First person too truly see me

Myself around him unlike with anyone else

When we together I care less about anyone but him

Well except for his kids

And the ones I already had

So by 19 I had 4 and hadn’t pushed one out yet

Not by choice but it is what it is

And I ain’t lied to him yet

But don’t think that I could so I guess I’m cursed on that trek

Everything say we supposed to be together

But just last month I met a new friend

Well…..truthfully he my baby

Us being together driving niggas crazy

And that’s slowly turning me dolo

Yes, that’s means I’m riding solo

While I may not have an alibi

It’s less drama in my life

And ya know that’s my style

Fucking right

Understand I got a fucked past

But I do what I do

Then calmed down a lot

And everything I’m speaking the truth

Not saying I didn’t deserve my status

But the shit then upgraded and I’m far from being the saddest

Like I was when I was out wilding

Slightest bit of attention had my legs open

Side-effect from raising myself during the “tough” years

But I sucked it up and dealt

Only a few tears felt

Which is a miracle in itself

Cause I sit back and think how I got here

Where falling in love is my only true fear

Death I wished for a thousand times

Cause all the pain is gone in my sleep

So a never ending one would put me at peace

Only problem I know some will weep

But I’m from the city where shit happen the murder cap

Where at the age of 2 you know what it mean for somebody to be strap

So that being said I know this won’t last long

Just need a nigga from back home

“I’ll take the Bestie for a $1000 Alex.....

Daily Double?? hmmm well I’ll bet it all”

Unlike the others, I know with him I won’t fall

That’s why he my Bestie and my boy

My heart and my toy

He my love, which is why I play my part

Wrote this back in April, sorry just getting round to posting it. Hope ya'll enjoy *muah*

-Until next time
Mz. N.O.B.

Questions to the Bestie

How did I dream of you before I even knew you existed?
How I saw your youngest before she was even born?
Why do I love you as much as I do?
Why do YOU love ME with all my faults?
What is our future?
What is that makes me feel this way about you?
When did I truly first see you?
When are we gonna be an official couple?
Where is my head when I'm around you?
Where do you keep my heart, cause I gave it to you to protect?
Who are you to have my mind, body, and soul?
Who says I should know as much as I do about you?
Am I too clingy to you?
Am I truly the one you want to marry?
Will this really work out or will I regret it?
Will I be able to handle the pain if it does not work?
Is this real or puppy love?
Is this who God had in mind for me?
Do everbody get to feel this happiness while still on Earth?
Do I tell my parents about you now or wait?
So many questions maybe this is why I don't sleep right anymore. *shrugs* I get to him and I'll be fine.
until next time
- Mz. N.O.B.

Next!!!!!!

So this past week has been interesting to say the least. How you my man but go a whole week without talking to me, but you can reach out to my sister? Then you throw hints out over the internet hinting like you know something. Well please let me know what I did, because for once I really was a faithful girlfriend.
It's cool though. Cause when the truth come out YOU the one who will be looking crazy. I keep saying I'mma follow my first mind but I never seem to able to. Fuck it. Karma just coming back on from my "pimp" days I suppose. *shrugs* Oh well my heart gets what it wants I guess. Just which that thing will hurry up and happen already.

*deep sigh* Until next time
- Mz. N.O.B.

Month that is May

I find it real funny how people run and tell they mouth about me when they couldn't even spell my name if they life counted on it. Trying to call me a hoe saying I then did this and did that just because I never fucked you or I shot you down every time you turned round. *smh* That is a bitch move, matter fact that's a hoe move. And that is being move to hoes,giving them a bad reputation. It's cool though because through it all I have learned a lot.

1. Who is really there for me
2. I can't trust a mutha fucker farther than I can throw them
3. I need to get the fuck from round here as soon as possible

Through it all I saw how the bf acted even when niggas tell him false shit about me. and how the Bestie is not there every time I need him, but he there when it's called for. Guess that is part of the reason we not together, lately I really been needing him and he been busy. I can't get mad though he handling his business that will hopefully pay off for both him and me in the long run.

Another thing I learned was how they said I supposed to be burning............that fact interesting because how much I go to the doctor to get test run and blood drawn for my MS if I did have something. Ya girl would have been known what was up. It's cool though, cause when I say people about to get cut off up here. They about to be done-dot-ta niggas and bitches alike. If I'm not cool with you or you not blood even if you are blood,and you about the bull shit you can gt the fuck.

Now that is off my chest I'mma holla at you.

Mz. N.O.B.

Here We Go Again

I was starting to except the fact that I was pregnant, and was getting my cards lined up so I could have a something to fall back on when I had to tell everybody I was. Well today when I came home I had to run to the bathroom. Didn't think anything of it my bladder is like the rest of my body STUPID.

To my surprise however I saw light blood; this same thing happened when I was last year a week before I miscarried. Guess I should be happy though. I mean for one it's not happening around my birthday like last year, and two I get to get fucked up on my 21st B-Day.

I'm not though, really wanted this one and the physical and emotional pain is crazy. Hope I'm wrong and come July-August my stomach gets rounder. However, I will deal regardless. So if I don't write for a while either I'm dealing with that or it's because I'm handling school work for my summer classes so I can get my  Associate degree and get to working on my Bachelor's.

Mz. N.O.B.

Letting It Flow

Alone and bored, my life story
Wanted for my looks and uncontrolable urges
Half the dudes I slept with couldn't tell you my last name
Much less spell the first
Have a bad habit of wanting what isn't mine
Even if it's just to quench my thirst
Call myself playing these dudes
When it's the other way around
What's the cause of all the pain, I have yet to figure out
Have had three dudes hold me down and turned me into a woman
At least they gave me lessons that are in me
But I feel unworthy and wonder if they just played me
Cause when I do what I know is right I get hurt
But if I keep my heart closed and act like a hoe
They flock in groves
Have a nigga mind set and still can't comprehend males
Treat a hoe like a queen, but they only there for the money
And a woman like dirt, when she got her own and will love you with or without the glamour
Getting older, and instead of maturing I'm growing colder
My sisters see something is strange
But I can't bring myself to let them in on my pain
Feel like I'mma snap at any minute
Can't afford it though
I'm the sane one
Who has to hold it together
Lil sister need all the support I can give
Daddy need me to functation right
Tears starting to flow so let me bring it back
Mom doesn't understand why babies flock to me
Guess they feel a void I have from not being able to have none of mines
But like I'm always being told
When it's meant I'll carry all 40weeks
I hear what they saying but it doesn't make the pain any less
Every spring reminds me of what I've lost
Look in my lil cousin's eyes and I wanta die
Same age as mines shoulda been
And when he look at me I see my eyes
Gotta look out for him even if it kill me
I'm the one woke up in the middle of the night when he was a baby
After school he was my dude and my date on the weekend
So what his parents won't do he already know Lanie got him
That go for all my sisters and brothers kids too
Even more so my baby's babies, simply cause he my boo
Wrote this a while back as in May 5, 2009. Didn't think it would be relavent now but it is. Hopefully me writing it over will put my emotions back in check. *shrugs* Wishful thinking I suppose.

Letter To My Babies

Mourning the lost of mines

But behind closed doors

Nobody can see my tears

For if the start flowing don’t know if they will end

My fault I lost them all

Be it intentional or not

3girls 2boys

All in heaven as angels playing with their toys

And watching over mama waiting for their chance to return

But the pain is so deep and I just can’t let it burn

Cause I would feel as if I’m forgetting them

Making it seem as if it don’t matter

They were part of me

Regardless of the issues that would came up

To hold you in my arms

And rock you too sleep

But the one good thing

You don’t experience the pain

That comes with this world

So I’ll deal with the heart ache

Because you living with joy

In the Lord’s house and all ya’ll together

So lil mama who the oldest

Watch the other four

The twin boys my be 3^rd and 4^th

But protect your sisters from any force

And babygirl I may not have wanted to deal with your daddy

I still loved you and will always regret my bad habit

Trying to stress less

Stop smoking and only drink on occasion

Don’t try to be superwoman

Take my medicine like I should

Keeping my head in the books to move us out

In a good place not just the hood

20years old, almost 21

This just another layer of my cake

*sighs* Sadly the story has just begun

Randomly Me

Now before you read this now it's kinda blunt and I not all things stated are true......if u know me u know which parts are not relvent. but hope you enjoy if not *shrugs* screw u lol.............I'm serious though


I may fuck like a slut, and dress like a hoe
But I’m one of the realest bitches, that you’ll ever know
Honest to a fault, make it a requirement
Niggas think I’m slow, but I see you chasing behind the chick
To these basic bitches, I don’t want ya man
But I’ll borrow him, and send him back when I feel I can
If he don’t wanta leave, please don’t hurt him
He just know I’ll put in work, even when I’m hurting

If you not a baller, then why waste my time
Cause you better have money, be damn if I blow mine
My whole click fine, on top of that we way past pretty
Click of hood bitches, but we steadily called ‘ditty
Got expensive taste, but we not flashy with it

Off the charts ratings, it’s nothing for me to get it
Freaky lil thing, this Cancer is something serious
While green is my color, I’m never the one to envy
Only fucking with Ben, because he can get me my Tiffy
She my best friend, I’m not on the diking tip
I’m the type of chick, that love something long and thick

Not dissing others, just giving my opinion
Ain’t gonna lie, freaky side of me been saying some females could actually get it
This is randomly me, don’t feel bad if you don’t understand
Cause I don’t even get me

Don't Know How

So me and my baby were having a convo last night and some kind of way we got on the subject of disrespecting females. Something he doesn't do, at least not with me. His opinion of me is that I'm not what I believe myself to be and that is a hoe. Now I'm not out here walking the stroll or no shit, but I have had my share of men. The way he broke it down really had me wondering. If he knew that, would he still want to be with me???

I can't honestly say that I would blame him if he didn't, but that shit would hurt to no end. Don't know why I did half the shit I did then. Guess it was a way to deal with shit from my past. Thought it would help me deal, but all it did was make matters worse. It brought up old memories that I tried so hard to keep buried. Just now starting to deal with them, and the side effects from the other habits I picked up once my writing started getting of a stress causer than stress reliever. *smh*

On another note we also discussed our wedding, *lol* crazy right. *smh* Lets just say if things work out we will NOT be getting married in a church. Shit we may just hit up city hall cause he ain't gonna act right. That's only if he can deal with that though, *smh* anyway.

Until next time,
- Mz. N.O.B.

Happy B-Day Lil' Sis

So yesterday was my lil sister bday she made 18, smh the world not ready. We had a some what good time, had I known we coulda stayed out longer we would've though. Today is her prom so you know that means she about to have some fun.

*fake tears* My baby growing up...she bout to graduate this year and shit. *sighs* Damn I'm getting old lol.

Bout Time

Sooooo I have been having a Vivan Green type episode these past few weeks. When I say emotional roller coaster, smh it's been crazy.

The first weekend in March I went home as I told you earlier, and I got to see my sisters and my Bestie. *sighs* Why did I go see him? *smh* Now don't get me wrong I'm happy I did.

But at the same time it made the bond we have get tight again. Like it was only 2.5 days instead of years. Then when I get back to where I stay (refuse to call this home) we talk more than before.
I mean yea we got them times when we don't get to talk but then there are days when it seem like we never hang up the phone.

One night we were on the phone and what do you know, the subjects of relationships...kids...future...us comes up. And long story short ya girl not single anymore...that's right I'm officially of the market after me and him been doing this little dance for about 4, yes I said FOUR, years. In the words of my sisters "bout time" but we'll see how this goes.

fingers crossed,
- Mz. N.O.B.

Don't You Hate

Don't you just hate when you have your mind set on something you KNOW you left in the fridge all day and you get there the shit gone. Somebody then ate it or through it out.
Don't you hate when someone telling a joke and before they get they start dying laughing and you NEVER get the joke.
Don't you hate when niggas got the nerve to be MORE sensitive than you in a relationship.
Don't you hate people telling you to be on time for shit, when they the ones always late.
Don't you hate when people steadily ask you what's wrong when nothing is, until they keep asking.
Don't you hate how people who don't go over 25mph have the nerve to get in the fast line. BITCH GET TO THE RIGHT!!
Don't you hate the fact I'm doing this post.
Don't you hate self conscious people. Know I do guess that's why I hate myself.....but that's no relevent.

Okay that's all my don't you hates for now.

Regret

Ever regret something so bad that you wonder what made you make that choice in the first place. Going through it now and for the life of me I can't up with a good reason. I mean seriously what did I chose. A life full of bull shit where all I get is stress about shit I did. My bad for fucking up, but damn you gonna hold that against me for life? *smh* Whatever man I don't fuck anymore, I'm done pleasing everybody else in this family. I mean all it has done is give me a fucked up mind set, and resulting in me having a miscarriage ever year of my life since I made 16. The first two I admit I did not need at the time, but the thrid time. I was 18 in college, pregnant with twins, for my Bestie, and I didn't know until after the fact. That one hurt me far beyond any other, I still find myself getting sad, even dropping a tear or two, over those two. The one this past summer hurt only because I lost her, knew it was a girl because of how she was kicking my ass, a week after my birthday. Great present right. *rolls eyes* *smh* And here we go again this year, again it's for my Bestie 3weeks in and it's already kicking my ass. At least with this one I'm not drinking or smoking, regardless of how bad I need both. I'll get at you later.
Until next time,
Mz. N.O.B.

MY take on LOVE

Have you been in love so deep that it hurts?

What about feeling your heart physical break?

Have you ever tried to move on to someone else and find

yourself comparing them to the person you trying to get over?

Always changing his ring tone whenever you hear a new

song that fit his place in your heart?

Here the killer:

Have you ever been in that good drunk coma sleep and his ring tone

plays and wakes you up?

I got news for you if you have felt any of these things…….

Drum roll please…………

YOU. ARE. IN. LOVE.

Now you may ask what is this thing called love, and why do we constantly chase after the feeling. I mean let’s be honest. Everybody, and I do mean EVERYBODY has had their heart broken at least once in their life.


If you haven’t yet, then trust me you will. Hate to sound so morbid about the situation, but *shrugs* that’s how the cookie crumbles. I mean sure some people may not deal with it until their life long partner dies while they in their old age. However, the majority go through it while in their teens or twenties.


Lets look at what the word love means according to Webster’s New World Dictionary 4th Edition, shall we. *stands up and clears throat* It says:

Love (luv) n. 1 strong affection or liking for someone or something

2 a passionate affection of one person for another 3 the object of such affection;

a sweetheart or lover 4 Tennis a score of zero

Now doesn’t 1-3 sound so beautiful, nice, and any other mushy feeling word you can think off. Well take a closer look at the fourth definition. It states a score of ZERO, now it does state that it is a term use in the scoring process for the sport of tennis, but the question arrives on why would they name this score a love when it “represents the absence of any quantity or magnitude” or simple “nothing” as two of the four definitions according to my friend Web.


I can’t honestly sit here and say that I never feel in love, because I did. On more than one occasion, however I have regretted it both times because the hurt I get in return is so intense. The last two hurt the most.


One I was with for four years, now of those four he was in jail for one year and seven months, on the run for three. So I basically did not see him for 46% of the relationship. When we first met it was all cool, but I should have took his first action as a clue on what was to come. I can not even begin to understand why he did what he did, it hurt when I found out about his other child, but I handled it because she was made when we were on break. However, the fact he looked me dead in my eyes and told she was not his knowing she was, then all the other lies coming out about different things he has done. I can’t even bare to hear his voice anymore, and I damn sure can’t look him in his eye.


The other one broke my heart and I still this day don’t know how, considering the fact we never went together. Crazy right, *smh* you don’t even know the half. He is one of the few people I don’t care how hard I try I can’t lie to and I hate that fact. I can’t tell the bastard no either, it’s some damn foolishness, a conspiracy I say. Up until I met him I was a pimp in ever sense of the word. I had niggas coming a dime a dozen was honest with them but when a bitch felt like being by herself it was nothing ya dig. This mutha fucker here I actually was chasing and would get mad when he did not have time for me. I mean last time I checked we were just fuck buddies, he is now my Bestie but it took a minute to get there. Well we I called him one night and he was at the bar, *rolling eyes* like always, and said he had to tell me something. I’m like ok cool what’s up. A bitch thinking he was going to come see me or some shit cause at this point I’m no longer in New Orleans. What does this bow-legged mutha fucker say? H informs me that he is back with his youngest child mother. When I say it felt like my heart cracked and my eyes started getting watery, a trait I’m proud not to have in most cases, it took everything in me not to let him hear it. Then he said we can still be cool and do the business when we see each other. I damn near screamed no at him. Keep in mind it’s 3 in the morning and everybody else in my family sleep. After all that you would think he would not be anywhere in my heart or mind, but o no currently…………………he OWNS my heart and LIVES IN my mind.


I state all this simple to give a warning to all those who are thinking about, currently are, or on their way to being in LOVE. Enter it cautiously and know that the feeling my be great, but with everything good there is always some bad. It is up to you to determine if you are willing to endure it.

*smooches*

Mz N.O.B.

Damn....

Damn.

Definition:
1 to condemn to an unhappy fate
2 to condemn to hell
3 to condemn as bad, inferior, etc
4 to swear at by saying "damn"

Used in a sentence:
DAMN you act like your daddy.
or
DAMN you are your father's child.

How the hell I crave hot pickles out the ass, but I can't eat spicy food? Really *dumb look on face*. *in New York City voice* Where they do THAT at???

*smh* If this how the next 37weeks bout to go? Houston we got a FUCKING problem!

*deep breathes* it's ok I can handle this. It's not even fact on if I am or not yet. *sighs* One thing at a time.

*whinning* I want that breakfast though....o well just get some seafood today when my grandma cook later. Love being the baby grandchild at times.

until next time *smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

Just Wondering????

Have you ever felt like you are alone while in a room full of people? I know a question you may have heard many times before, but *shrugs* that's how I've been feeling lately.

Then other times I get to thinking about those near death experiences I have had. Why did I make it? Why did I not die then? Was I really that bad in a former life that I'm supposed to endure all this? Or is it just how my life is supposed to be?

I mean regardless the answers I can't change what is my life. However, maybe I can change the future by changing some of current traits.

That would basically mean no smoking, no drinking, no sex, cutting ties with many people, and just focusing on school. Not something most almost 21years old would consider. Then again I'm not your average 20 years old female.

So hear is to a promise I'm making to myself. *raises imaginary glass* Hope I can do this. No more stress, no more tears, no more pain, no more one-sided-love.

*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

How Much Is He Really Worth???

I saw an intresting video this morning where a woman sued her ex-husband's mistress for 9million dollars, and the thing is she WON!!!! *smh* Damn she lucky.

I know this is the pot calling the kettle black, but *shrugs* in my defense I didn't know that some of those dudes were married...........at least at first. And for all of them, except one, once I found out ties to them were cut.

However, after seeing this I think I'm going to stay very far away from all married men from now on........cause ummm a bitch don't have 9,000 dollars to her name let alone 9 million. I have yet to met a dick that is worth that I'll nicely take a toy and call it a fucking day instead of dealing with the headache.

Any-t-who here is the link to see the video.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/wife-wins-millions-mistress-10177212&tab=9482931§ion=4765066&playlist=&page=1

To Much Time On My Hand

Have you ever been just laying around and started thinking about random shit? Talking about noticing things that have nothing to do with shit that happened yesterday or today.

Well I'm currently in that place, and of course the person it concerns is my Bestie. *rolls eyes* Pathetic I know but I can't stop how I feel.

Any-t-who, I was watching the movie Family Reunion by Tyler Perry and it got to the part talking about your soulmate. Why did it have to be on that part when I woke up from my nap? When it was finish it got me to thinking about how some of the things said were true.

Problem is I'm trying to come to the realization that we can't and won't ever be more than friends. We love each other true, but I guess we not meant to be. *shrugs* O well time to move "on to the next on." *in my Jay-Z voice*

Another thing on my mind is how I always seem to attract bullshit full niggas. You know the ones who seem to think they can run G and I won't notice. *side eye* Surrrrrre yup uh huh and Wayne doesn't have any tatoos and has never smoked a day in his life. Get the fuck outta here with that. I may not call you out on everything, but I do notice it . So when I start acting different or like a straight up bitch you know why.
Also don't front like you don't know what you doing or did. I'm a very crazy person when I click out and I get very violent. I inform them of this when we first start talking, but do they believe me. Of course not I'm too "nice" or too "quiet" I won't snap. Nooo not me I'll just pout and deal with it. *smh*

Shit just funny to me that these niggas really think I'm the nice one, at least till they see me get pissed off. Well that's it for now gotta go clean up this house , *rolls eyes* o joy, but until later.

*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

R.F.M.L. (Royally Fuck My Life)

I just noticed that it seems I always either get preggo or get the symptoms of being such right around April. Now granted I do want to have my kids while I'm in my mid 20's I do not want them at this present moment.
I'm not in the position where I can support a child. Usually I can be in denile about the situtation but i can't even do that right now. I mean I'm craving hot pickles and vanilla ice-cream like really...really, the slightest thing messes up my stomach, I have to use the bathroom all day even when I don't drink anything, and be sleepy for no reason.
Here is where I have the problem though, how in the hell can I have all these symptoms only 2weeks after having sex. Unless it's for Mr. Clingy in which case why am I 4months and not showing!!!!!
*sighs* I honestly don't know what to do right now. *shrugs* I mean I can't just go and get tested at the clinc cause bitchs to nosey here. So even if I'm not some smart ass would still tell my parents I thought I was. Test are never right with me for some plus if I am I need to know how far am I so I can tell the baby about his child.
You know what I'm not gonna worry bout it till May. By then if none of my friends have told me anything I know what the business is, but until then I'mma sit my happy but on a river called denile on this little island named stress.
Until next time.
*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

I'm Back Time To Catch Up

Sorry it's been so long since I've wrote in you my dear friend. It's just things have been so crazy (and interesting) month. Let's see where should I begin ummmmmmm. maybe a list would make it easier.

1. I saw my bestie when I went home two weekends ago :D *in London from Suite Life voice* Yaya me!!!! Okay I know it's trife to be that happy, but a bitch ain't seen him since May of 2008.......it's March of 2010. Talk bout me all you please, but I wanted to see my boo.

2. When I got back up to Mississippi it became the attack of the ex's to the 100th power cubed. I mean nigga I haven't heard from in years, not days, not weeks, not months, YEARS began calling me like it's legal in this mug. O and to top it off I ran into one just riding around.

3. I have been getting tempted to make a visit to the past with someone I promised myself and my sisters I would not mess with. I mean he not on the market, (yes he married and I'm a home wrecker), but he be looking fine then a mutha when I see him lately. Idk what I'mma do with that problem *shrugs* I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but for now I'll just have fun flirting with him.

4. I finally caught up with that cutie I met at the gas station that time, and I gave him my number. He called me last night and we talked for a little while. I'm feeling him hard like but I'm be careful cause I can already tell I like him to much.

but that's it for now gotta go back going to Memphis with the lil sis so you know we bout to get in trouble.

*smooches*

MZ. N.O.B.

Side effects

On a trip home to get my grandma (finally) and ya'll already know I got my iPod in. I mean what else is the purpose of having damn near 6000 songs.
Any-t-who I decided to listen to my Mariah E-MC2 to be exact. I truely forgot how much I love this CD. I had the songs on random and it was cool till we got to Side Effects. *smh* I had urka moments one after another but I was cool with.
Ok song ends I'm thinking that's the end of it, but sadly no. What comes on you ask? None other than Love Story it's ok though cause I ended up spending time with 1 my girls back home and 2 da Bestie.
But that is another blog altogether, I'mma get on that one later.
Any-t-who had a good visit over all and can't wait till my birthday so I can go home again.

Always the Baby Mama But Never the Bride

Ok so I was reading the Single Girl's Blog and came across the article below.

And I agree where she coming from on many points, except on when she wants to have kids. *shrugs* Maybe it's just cause I can't see myself waking up to the same person EVERYDAY for the rest of life. I mean if you can do it more power to you, but that is not me.
I'm the type of chick who would have kids (want to at least start by my mid 20's) when I have set myself up financially. Really don't cae about the man's pocket. Main thing I ask is for them to build a relationship with their child.

Now don't get me wrong, THEY WILL CONTRIBUTE WITH MONEY.  I'm just not going trip if they can't afford to spoil them to MY standards. After all I'm a hard bitch to please, which is why I don't think I would get married. *shrugs*  O well being single has it's advantage.

Any-t-who here's the blog hope you enjoy


Always the Baby Mama But Never the Bride

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Guess who's coming home?

Sooooooooooooooo have you ever got that feeling that something crazy is about to happen in your life? You don't know what, how crazy, or when. You just know something is going to happen.

Well I got that feeling Friday night for some reason. I thought it might have been the fact that my Bestie and I have talked to each other ever night before we went to sleep for 4 nights straight. The convo's we held were.............. well let me just say I hope it works out in OUR future.

Any-t-who let me fast forward up to today, Sunday February 21, 2010. Me and one of my sister, what I call my best friends, where at church one where my ex's mother and son are members of. No big deal, I always see his mom, but hadn't seen his son in a few months so I was beaucoup bucked up. Well after church I went to go speak to them and was having fun catching up with my baby, even though he bad as HELL, and look just like his paw.

*my bad had a moment*

Anyway my ex mom told me how she had just talked to him and was telling him how when she saw him her hair gonna be long. She just had got some pretty tracks put in.

Okay let me back up my ex is currently in jail and has been there since a year before we broke up. This is the one who broke my heart by lying and keeping secerts from me. The biggest one his youngest little girl. Now last time I checked he had 8-10 years as of November 2008. *Keep this mind.*

Now his mom was talking like she was going to see him soon. I just thought she was going to drive down there to go see him. I told her to tell him I said hey. I mean just cause he broke my heart and had me return to my hoe ways for a minute I still at the end of the day care for his tall, caramel, cat eyed ass. Stupid yes I know, but you can't help who love look at me and my Bestie.
Okay so nigga went back to the crib and changed after church into a cute little fit. Clipped my hair up cause it was looking kind of gloomy like it was gonna rain.

I mean ya girl was looking good. I had plans on flirting with a few niggas, maybe even getting a couple numbers. I mean I saw a lot of stuff I liked out it was looking like a good day.

I went to the hood store to get a bag of chips and cold drink, and when I was coming out saw his brother. Now this my nigga he crazy nigga bday round mines to so you know we act a fool together.
This nigga thru me for a loop out the ass. He told me and I quote. "You know (ex's name) coming home in 2 months right?" Now bear in mind I have not talked/wrote/communicated with him since (my ex) Jan of 2009. When I say you could have knocked me over with a PIECE of a feather, and I'm a big girl 215lbs so that is not an easy task.

IDK what is about to happen, but I sure do hope it happens soon.

Nigga can't win for losing and a bitch been being nice.

*smh* I'm done in one week I have dealt with 4 niggas

I'm tired

Valentine's Day..........O Joy

Soooooooooooooo yesterday was V-Day, I honestly can't stand that holiday, and for the most part it was a good day, keyword DAY.

I had an ex, who is currently in jail might I add, called me that night when I made it back in the house. Shock does not begin to cove how I felt. I mean I haven't talked to him in God's knows how long on the phone, and I haven't wrote him in over a year, so seriously what does he possible have to discuss with me. *smh*

Now I won't sit here and lie like I don't still have feelings for his tall cat eyed ass cause I do, but a bitch can only take so much pain being constantly thrown my way. I met him and he had 3 kids cool, I treated them as my own. I had no problem playing step-mama, I love kids and admired the fact he actually took care of his unlike some niggas out here. I rocked with him while he was constantly in and out of jail. Something I always said I would never do, but I did cause I thought he was being honest with me. Whenever he asked me something I told him the truth, I hid nothing from him. What do I get in return? I get him making a baby with his first baby mama, which had he told me I would not have held it against him.

Before ya'll get that "this bitch stupid as hell" let it be stated me and him were not together when his daughter was made. We both were doing us, it's just he gotta live with his doing him till he die, I don't.

But what does this nigga do? He keeps this secert, and not unil he find out if it's his or not. Ooooooooooooo no he keeps it's hidden until he about to find out how long his bid is. Guess he figure I'mma fnd out anyway so I might as well hear it from him to lesson the blow. By this point in time she is 18 MONTHS. Not 1 or 2 18 add the other 9 when o girl was preggoand you have 27 which is roughly 2.25years where he lied to me in my face.

And you know what I do.....................I still held the nigga down like a fucking dumb ass fool. I admit it I was a straight simple minded common bitch. I was still writing this fool and let me tell you stamp and envelopes not cheap by a long shot. I made sure money was on his books, that his mama, son, and daughter were carried for, which I still do minus his books. I gotta spoil his kids because I was with him from the time his son was 2 until he was 6. I couldn't do my boy like that I was leaving his daddy not him. I did for his sister too cause that's just wrong to do for her brother and not her, she had nothing to do her father being a lying bastard. Plus lil mama to precious couldn't help, but love her.

But I degress back to my V-Day. So after I got that call, I got a text saying happy valentine's day from this dude up here that has been trying to get with me since 2007. O shall I say smash since 2007, but i haven't talked to since early 2009. *side eye* Really nigga. Okay since I had a good day I was nice, I texted him back a thank you even though I was honoring Anti-VDay (or Anti-Love Day which every floats your boat). The lil convo was going good until two things happened.

1. He said I still love you. Now nigga granted you cool people and have a good heart. I know you only smash, and that is a no go because I went with your brother, and used to flirt ith your cousin eventhough nothing came from it. (Yes I was a hoe if you read the other post ou already know this)
2. He was trying to get me to come by his house. This was a no go again because a) it was raining and I'm like a cat to water me no like rain when I have my hair out. no had I had a fitted or braids I would not have cared bout the rain and woul have still been out. b) I was bout to eat anda big girl ain't et all day I was starting to see double and shit that's so not cute. Finally c) NIGGA ALL YOU WANT IS TO SMASH!!!!!

After all that was said and done I didn't get another text from his ass. I promise you niggas are a fucking trip.

Well that was my Anti-VDay I hope yours was as evetfull as mines, but in a good way.

To my New Orleans People Hope ya'll fun tomorrow at Mardi Gras, and if you going to Zulu be under the bridge if you a local you already now lol.

"LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULEZ"
MZ. N.O.B.

Me Married????????????

I can not wait until I can be in my baby presence, or at least hear his voice. Damn I love this man more than anything, not gonna lie the shit scaes me. I'm afraid to love him as much as I do. I know my girls tired of me alwys talking bout hi ight about now (sorry chicas lol I LUV UUUUUUUUU).

I mean I see how things go for everyone around me when they get to the level past ours. We are not them, their pit falls we know to avoid. However, things a people cange over time. What if we change into two peple that are no longer right for each other?

I don't want to end up like my parents, married, keeping secerts, puting me (their child) in the middle of their issuses. Granted I'm grown now, I've noticed in depth the things tha ave been going on since I was small. Personally I think they are not meant to be together. Maybe itis because my egg donor (mother) had plans on becoming a nun, but some how ended up with my daddy.

Then you have two of my aunts who legally are still married, but their husbands do not stay with them. Even though they live in the same city/town with them. Can not forget there is my cousin/godfather who is in the middle of his second divorce.

I mean seriously people, and ya'll call me crazy for doing wanting the kids without the husband.

The only images I saw of  good "marriage" were fairytales. Which really just show the weddings, and not the hard process of keeping the relationship tha would lead to the "happily ever after".

I can't see myself with anyone else though, so when the time comes I want the wedding, duh, but in our vows their need to be a part where we promise to steadily do the small things we do now; to grow but still remain true to ourselves an each other; and to aways speak the truth regardless of how hard it may be. I kow true marriages exist in real life, and I plan to be an example to the next generations coming up in this world.

Holla,
Mz. P

Finally

It took us four years of being just friends to finally accept the fact we were made for each other. The only person I have ever been completely myself around. Who would have ever saw this coming though? I mean the age thing had me thinking we were just meant to be friends, I mean what would you possible see in me.


Yes, I'm smart (books and in the mouth), attractive (think different you can kick rocks), good listener, caring (if I like you if I don't you out of luck). However I still did not see what he saw in me. He did not understand either. Both of us having a past that make us think no one should want us.

So much alike it is scary at times, but regardless of how hard we tried to be with others it didn't work. I don't care anymore, he my heart and the sooner I not only realize that, but I accept it as well. The sooner I can worry and stress out about other things in my life.

Sorry so hot but just was on my mind and had to get it off *muah* enjoy the rest of your day.

Bestie 2

Have u ever loved someone so much
that u damn near melt at their touch
Someone who makes u love yourself
regardless of what someone else may say
Put a smile on your face 10miles wide
that no one can take away
Never thought i would meet someone
who i could see myself with forever
Who i feel protected with
and will stand beside in any type of weather
I can see us at the alter
cause he tatted on my heart
I can feel him all around me
i truely loved him from the start
And after our convo
i could feel he felt da spark
Looks like we may be each other's future and leave it at that

Random Thoughts 1

Sooooooooooooo school has started and I'm back to my old ways of not sleeping, or when I do sleep having crazy dreams. Just wonderful isn't it. *shrugs* Oh well as long as I have my books to read (yes I'm a nerd and like reading more people need to get in that habit), music and cell phone I'm fine.

I need to get back to working out soI can get under 200lbs for my 21st birthday this summer. Despite what many may think, I have the lowest self-esteem you could imangine.

Now don't get me wrong I stand up for myself for the most part, and will tell you off in a minute if you try to disrespect me. However, if you ask me to name one, yes just one, positive thing about me I couldn't tell you. I can pin point all the flaws in a anything someone positive says aout me. I guess that is what made me into such a town boy when I was younger. So as I got older it just became my comfort zone. Downside for some relationships I feel the need to stick it out even through the bullshit because I don't feel as if i deserve better.

Don't feel sorry for me though it helped me get some very intresting friends and learn how males think. Which helps me peep game for the rare times I want to be in a relationship, and as I get older I'm slowly realizing my worth. While I may not be as polished and clean cut as others I am still a diamond in my own right.

Granted a mean, sometimes cold-hearted, overly honest diamond, but a diamond non the less. So in the words of Soulja Slim "love me or love me not I'm gonna be me"

Mz. N.O.B.

Explaining Me

Growing up in a crazy city such as New Orleans, with a dad who had to leave because his wife/your egg donor did not want to move when his job left state. So you were forced to stay with a woman who acts as if she did not want you. I really do not care truth be told because I did not ask to be here. That's another subject though.


But in that city where you forced to raise yourself at the age of 7 and also deal with your best friend at the time leaving you high and dry. Not receiving the letters he sent until you were 20yrs old and helping him clean out some stuff from out of a briefcase she new the combo too but I had long forgotten.

You see I was and still am a Daddy's girl to the complete fullest. Which strikes me as the old ball out among my friends; they are all close to their moms and have little to no relationship with their father.

I know sometimes they probably wonder why they are friends with me. I mean I admit I am a recovering hoe. I mean I saw my cousins giving the girls who opened they legs more attention then the ones who told them no or they had to wait. I mean yes I saw how the game went when they had 3 and 4 females at time and how they, shall I saw attempted, to keep them from finding out about each other. I saw the pain the girls felt when they got dismissed because they confused my cousins smashing them faithfully with love.

Combine that with an extreme daddy complex and the refusal to get hurt by any male, and you have me. Yes I have fucked a large amount of niggas in my short 20yrs, but do not get it twisted I did not trust or love even half. I guess you can say they were convenient. I have a sex drive of a young male or an older lady who just hit her peak. I started at a decent but still young age of 15, so by the time I was 17 I knew in general what I liked what I didn't and in what position. Guess you can call me a nympho to the 10th power squared. lol

I laugh at all this because I was just cool and flirted with a lot of dudes at 14,15,16. I mean in the span of the spring of my sophomore year to my senior year I only had sex with 5 people 3 of which I was in relationships with. In my head they were my future. *smh* Two broke my heart by not only cheating, cause I can deal and maybe forgive that, but straight lying and then trying to make it up by making empty promises. Needless to say the only made their grave deeper and more permanent. The third on though, I still love with all my heart and will most likely forever wonder what if. He was my first everything, and its funny because he was 11years older than me. I knew I could count on him if no one else, had plans on moving with him to Texas once I graduated high school. Truthfully if I hadn't got sick my sophomore year I would have left then. I guess destiny had other plans for though, still it would have been nice. I could tell him anything and wouldn't have to worry about him judging me. He held me and any frustration I had would just melt away. He was truly my first love. I feel guilty that he is even in jail right now.

And, it is not because of the age different my parents still do not know about that relationship. But because he was not supposed to be in the state when Katrina happened, he had just okay-ed it with his P.O. to move to Houston. Only reason he was in town was to see me that weekend, and once he was supposed to meet me at the game got canceled he tried to leave. Tried being the key word, because his car broke down and he couldn't get out. I mean at least he did not get hurt, but he did get caught and last I heard from him he is doing time.

Once I touched down back home everything around me reminded me off him. It was killing me, so to keep my mind off not being with him I wilded out. I went from 5 to 18 in one year, and not even a whole year. I know trifling, but there were two people I actually became close to during this process. *giggling & smh* The main one, my bestie, I know crazy right.............. *shrugs* What can I say? They have a lot in common. My bestie is one year and one month younger than my first love. I can tell them both everything with fear. They both have broke my heart once. However, not only did mended it the fixed the trust they broke along with it.

I know I'mma end up with my bestie....to many dreams pointing to him before he even entered my life to think otherwise. At the same time I know that my first love will pop up eventually in my life. Most likely with my luck once I married or engaged, hell might run into him on the honeymoon.-- now wouldn't that be some shit--

This is just a brief summary of why I'm tainted goods and don't want to get in a relationship with my homeboy who I'm feeling and know he feeling me. I mean think if this is just the icing on the top layer of a 10-layer cake can you imagine all the shit that come with me. Why my bestie or sisters deal with me and they no all that I still can't understand.
Well with that off my chest I bid you goodbye for today. Hopefully I will be adding more often now that I have a stable access to a computer.






Holla


Mz. N.O.B.

My Current Love Story

Been trying to keep him off my mind
It seem like holidays are the roughest time
Cause he my best frriend
And if it was possible he'd be my man honor
But he the one I wanta marry
So there the fuckin poblem
Got some shit in both our past we have yet to share
My heart is his and his alone
Body getting to the point where all I want is to be in his arms
Haven't seen him in over a year and a half
And he still all I want
Brain saying let him go
Believe me I tried
Felt my heart truly break when he moved on
Long as he happy I'm good
Debating on if I should let this other nigga in
I was his sideline for 2years
Didn't really hear from him for a whole one
He single now and trying to make me his queen
Wish I wouldn't mind
If I didn't already have my mind set on a different king
He a seventies baby
While I'm from da crazy eighties
Grew up in da same city just different sides
But the first time we locked eyes
I feel in love with him
After our first kiss I knew I only wanted him
But my pride wouldn't let me show it
Love his kids like they my own
If I could I'd have his son
Never know what the future holds
So I'll write another poem as the story unfold

Damn U

I'm sitting here trying so hard not to cry.....this shit is ridiclous. I'm not supposed to love anyone this hard, and I'm damn sure not supposed to love him like this.

If your wondering who I'm talking it's my bestie. I said I wasn't gonna do this again this year. That I was gonna leave the ball in his court and be done with the male species, at least for this year. But nooooooo what does this bastard have the nerve to go do...............he goes and wanta act right.

So now I'm stuck on stupid cause I don't know what to do with him, school about start, I need my own place before i go crazy staying with the rents.

OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!! Almost forgot I might be prego to make matters worse. I mean come on can a bitch get a break......please just a lil one.

*sighs* HAPPY NEW YEAR