The Idea

The Idea

I feel in love with the idea of you:

Loving me

Holding me

Wanting me

Understanding me

Appreciating me

I fell in love with the idea of me and you:

Having our own

Making trips to exotic places

Graduating together

Creating a family

I fell in love with the idea.....

Guess that's the problem

I fell in love with an idea

And not the true person

Fell in love with the person I knew

Not the one in the present

But the dreams you promised

I viewed as a blessing

Didn't understand the lies you came up with

Were ideas I had of a love from when I was a kid

You listened and never judged

So I thought you really cared

You chased me

So I thought the feelings I caught

Made it all fair

But as time moved on your actions not your words

Proved my assumptions completely wrong

Confused on how to feel

Should I be: hurt

Sad

Heart broken

Mad

Not give a fuck

Or should I just be glad

That I'm back to the old me

But she cold hearted

Not capable of love

Someone I was sick of being

But she the one who shed no tears

Showed no fears

Held it all in

And had no problems from it

Guess the idea of me

The idea of you

The idea of us

Was just an idea

Of how some parts of love should be

But I guess the idea of me

Wasn’t enough to keep you out the streets

So me and my ideas are going

And I regret to inform you

My ideas of us will remain just that

An idea

August 15, 2012

Then and Now

Then and Now

Back then,

I was afraid to fall in love

Something I have already did

Not just with the sex

But with the person I knew you were

The feeling you gave me when I needed a hug

Let me vent about things I didn’t realize I was holding in

You called me and did the same

Didn’t have the problems then

Right now,

I’m tired and the disappearing acts starting to get old

Games you playing making my heart so cold

The change you began still taking place

No one can seem to make their own space

My feelings still there regardless how hard I try

Notice your true colors and I’m tempted to sit back and cry

However tears can never dress the face of a thug

At least not this one you knew what was up

Cause back then,

I used to fuck round with your kin

And when that ended we were still cool like Chicago wind

Family secrets I never let out

Fell into your ears

Goals I gave up

Rethought about including you and your kids

Promised them a room

In my future crib

But right now,

I gotta focus on school

My promises to your lil ones Imma hold true

Because getting to the money is my current fetish

Hope you can stand seeing this monster you then unleashed

Joalane out the picture and Paulinah been released

So when you in need don’t come to me for help

Ask your line up

Since I see I’m no longer fitting the bill

Maybe later on,

You may get it together

Have your priorities right

Understand how a relationship should go

Cause the you I fell for back then

And the you I’m in love with now are completely different

I can’t lie regardless of the you later on

You will have my heart

Cause you saw me back then

When I was afraid to even start a right now

And didn’t think of a later

August 13, 2012