Brain hurting
Happy place slipping away now it feel like I’m merking
All my relationships
Probably cause I don’t give a shit
Hurt others before they hurt you
Got a blade so I can show you
Physical pain ain’t shit
But that mental and emotional a bad ass bitch
Dealing with all three since I was born it seems
Just made me tougher
And made me colder
Least that’s how I felt as I kept getting older
But now I’m 21
Realize ain’t shit new under the fucking sun
Death is inevitably the sleep I’m trying to see
Regardless of the cuts or pills the won’t cease for me
Always asked why I’m booted up
Can someone tell me a real reason to be happy
Pain is my best friend and only companion
Sex is the pain reliever who bring so much damage
Love is the enemy who “kindness & joy” I can’t manage
So I have to be cold hearted
I have to be single
Have to take care of my younger fam
Have to hold in my tears
While acting like I have no fears
Have to second guess everyone
That’s how my past show it is
Started mourning for babies when I was still a kid
Raised myself from the lowest of places
Only to be knocked back down
So close my heart
Close my eyes
Open my hands
Open my thighs
Prepare for the hurt
Given by the umpteenth man
Quicker his pleasure released
Quicker we finish
Quicker I pick up my pride
Quicker my fam can eat
Not my ideal way to get money
But do what I have to
People call me nasty
If they only knew my family
Those meant to protect, hurt
So never felt that way until it was too late
Protection a state of mind though
Guess that’s why mine never at rest
3-6-2011
