Month that is May

I find it real funny how people run and tell they mouth about me when they couldn't even spell my name if they life counted on it. Trying to call me a hoe saying I then did this and did that just because I never fucked you or I shot you down every time you turned round. *smh* That is a bitch move, matter fact that's a hoe move. And that is being move to hoes,giving them a bad reputation. It's cool though because through it all I have learned a lot.

1. Who is really there for me
2. I can't trust a mutha fucker farther than I can throw them
3. I need to get the fuck from round here as soon as possible

Through it all I saw how the bf acted even when niggas tell him false shit about me. and how the Bestie is not there every time I need him, but he there when it's called for. Guess that is part of the reason we not together, lately I really been needing him and he been busy. I can't get mad though he handling his business that will hopefully pay off for both him and me in the long run.

Another thing I learned was how they said I supposed to be burning............that fact interesting because how much I go to the doctor to get test run and blood drawn for my MS if I did have something. Ya girl would have been known what was up. It's cool though, cause when I say people about to get cut off up here. They about to be done-dot-ta niggas and bitches alike. If I'm not cool with you or you not blood even if you are blood,and you about the bull shit you can gt the fuck.

Now that is off my chest I'mma holla at you.

Mz. N.O.B.

Here We Go Again

I was starting to except the fact that I was pregnant, and was getting my cards lined up so I could have a something to fall back on when I had to tell everybody I was. Well today when I came home I had to run to the bathroom. Didn't think anything of it my bladder is like the rest of my body STUPID.

To my surprise however I saw light blood; this same thing happened when I was last year a week before I miscarried. Guess I should be happy though. I mean for one it's not happening around my birthday like last year, and two I get to get fucked up on my 21st B-Day.

I'm not though, really wanted this one and the physical and emotional pain is crazy. Hope I'm wrong and come July-August my stomach gets rounder. However, I will deal regardless. So if I don't write for a while either I'm dealing with that or it's because I'm handling school work for my summer classes so I can get my  Associate degree and get to working on my Bachelor's.

Mz. N.O.B.

Letting It Flow

Alone and bored, my life story
Wanted for my looks and uncontrolable urges
Half the dudes I slept with couldn't tell you my last name
Much less spell the first
Have a bad habit of wanting what isn't mine
Even if it's just to quench my thirst
Call myself playing these dudes
When it's the other way around
What's the cause of all the pain, I have yet to figure out
Have had three dudes hold me down and turned me into a woman
At least they gave me lessons that are in me
But I feel unworthy and wonder if they just played me
Cause when I do what I know is right I get hurt
But if I keep my heart closed and act like a hoe
They flock in groves
Have a nigga mind set and still can't comprehend males
Treat a hoe like a queen, but they only there for the money
And a woman like dirt, when she got her own and will love you with or without the glamour
Getting older, and instead of maturing I'm growing colder
My sisters see something is strange
But I can't bring myself to let them in on my pain
Feel like I'mma snap at any minute
Can't afford it though
I'm the sane one
Who has to hold it together
Lil sister need all the support I can give
Daddy need me to functation right
Tears starting to flow so let me bring it back
Mom doesn't understand why babies flock to me
Guess they feel a void I have from not being able to have none of mines
But like I'm always being told
When it's meant I'll carry all 40weeks
I hear what they saying but it doesn't make the pain any less
Every spring reminds me of what I've lost
Look in my lil cousin's eyes and I wanta die
Same age as mines shoulda been
And when he look at me I see my eyes
Gotta look out for him even if it kill me
I'm the one woke up in the middle of the night when he was a baby
After school he was my dude and my date on the weekend
So what his parents won't do he already know Lanie got him
That go for all my sisters and brothers kids too
Even more so my baby's babies, simply cause he my boo
Wrote this a while back as in May 5, 2009. Didn't think it would be relavent now but it is. Hopefully me writing it over will put my emotions back in check. *shrugs* Wishful thinking I suppose.