Church

So I'm sitting in the car in the church parking lot in the above outfit. All I could seem to do was do just that sit. I never felt the need to get out the car and go in. At least not at this church. Now the one I attend on 1st and 3rd Sunday I love to go to.
Considering all the hell I have raised you would think I wouldn't even go, but I do. I just choose not to go where I don't feel welcomed at. I mean why should I.
The church is God's house so why do I feel welcomed at some and out of place at others????
Simple the people in the church.
It seem like its a fashion show or contest more than a place of worship. And for all that I can go to the club, hell I can go to school.
But as I write this post I can't help but wonder is there really any place I can go to and feel welcomed???
Again simple answer. No at least not fully so another question comes. Why do we ignore the feeling when anywhere else but use it as an excuse when we feel it at church?
I don't know the answer to that one. Guess that's why I'm still in the car. *smh* Hopefully I will get that answer as I get wiser.
Anyway talk to y'all another day got runs to make. *lol*
Smooches
Mz. N.O.B.

5-22-2011

Month that is May

I find it real funny how people run and tell they mouth about me when they couldn't even spell my name if they life counted on it. Trying to call me a hoe saying I then did this and did that just because I never fucked you or I shot you down every time you turned round. *smh* That is a bitch move, matter fact that's a hoe move. And that is being move to hoes,giving them a bad reputation. It's cool though because through it all I have learned a lot.

1. Who is really there for me
2. I can't trust a mutha fucker farther than I can throw them
3. I need to get the fuck from round here as soon as possible

Through it all I saw how the bf acted even when niggas tell him false shit about me. and how the Bestie is not there every time I need him, but he there when it's called for. Guess that is part of the reason we not together, lately I really been needing him and he been busy. I can't get mad though he handling his business that will hopefully pay off for both him and me in the long run.

Another thing I learned was how they said I supposed to be burning............that fact interesting because how much I go to the doctor to get test run and blood drawn for my MS if I did have something. Ya girl would have been known what was up. It's cool though, cause when I say people about to get cut off up here. They about to be done-dot-ta niggas and bitches alike. If I'm not cool with you or you not blood even if you are blood,and you about the bull shit you can gt the fuck.

Now that is off my chest I'mma holla at you.

Mz. N.O.B.

MY take on LOVE

Have you been in love so deep that it hurts?

What about feeling your heart physical break?

Have you ever tried to move on to someone else and find

yourself comparing them to the person you trying to get over?

Always changing his ring tone whenever you hear a new

song that fit his place in your heart?

Here the killer:

Have you ever been in that good drunk coma sleep and his ring tone

plays and wakes you up?

I got news for you if you have felt any of these things…….

Drum roll please…………

YOU. ARE. IN. LOVE.

Now you may ask what is this thing called love, and why do we constantly chase after the feeling. I mean let’s be honest. Everybody, and I do mean EVERYBODY has had their heart broken at least once in their life.


If you haven’t yet, then trust me you will. Hate to sound so morbid about the situation, but *shrugs* that’s how the cookie crumbles. I mean sure some people may not deal with it until their life long partner dies while they in their old age. However, the majority go through it while in their teens or twenties.


Lets look at what the word love means according to Webster’s New World Dictionary 4th Edition, shall we. *stands up and clears throat* It says:

Love (luv) n. 1 strong affection or liking for someone or something

2 a passionate affection of one person for another 3 the object of such affection;

a sweetheart or lover 4 Tennis a score of zero

Now doesn’t 1-3 sound so beautiful, nice, and any other mushy feeling word you can think off. Well take a closer look at the fourth definition. It states a score of ZERO, now it does state that it is a term use in the scoring process for the sport of tennis, but the question arrives on why would they name this score a love when it “represents the absence of any quantity or magnitude” or simple “nothing” as two of the four definitions according to my friend Web.


I can’t honestly sit here and say that I never feel in love, because I did. On more than one occasion, however I have regretted it both times because the hurt I get in return is so intense. The last two hurt the most.


One I was with for four years, now of those four he was in jail for one year and seven months, on the run for three. So I basically did not see him for 46% of the relationship. When we first met it was all cool, but I should have took his first action as a clue on what was to come. I can not even begin to understand why he did what he did, it hurt when I found out about his other child, but I handled it because she was made when we were on break. However, the fact he looked me dead in my eyes and told she was not his knowing she was, then all the other lies coming out about different things he has done. I can’t even bare to hear his voice anymore, and I damn sure can’t look him in his eye.


The other one broke my heart and I still this day don’t know how, considering the fact we never went together. Crazy right, *smh* you don’t even know the half. He is one of the few people I don’t care how hard I try I can’t lie to and I hate that fact. I can’t tell the bastard no either, it’s some damn foolishness, a conspiracy I say. Up until I met him I was a pimp in ever sense of the word. I had niggas coming a dime a dozen was honest with them but when a bitch felt like being by herself it was nothing ya dig. This mutha fucker here I actually was chasing and would get mad when he did not have time for me. I mean last time I checked we were just fuck buddies, he is now my Bestie but it took a minute to get there. Well we I called him one night and he was at the bar, *rolling eyes* like always, and said he had to tell me something. I’m like ok cool what’s up. A bitch thinking he was going to come see me or some shit cause at this point I’m no longer in New Orleans. What does this bow-legged mutha fucker say? H informs me that he is back with his youngest child mother. When I say it felt like my heart cracked and my eyes started getting watery, a trait I’m proud not to have in most cases, it took everything in me not to let him hear it. Then he said we can still be cool and do the business when we see each other. I damn near screamed no at him. Keep in mind it’s 3 in the morning and everybody else in my family sleep. After all that you would think he would not be anywhere in my heart or mind, but o no currently…………………he OWNS my heart and LIVES IN my mind.


I state all this simple to give a warning to all those who are thinking about, currently are, or on their way to being in LOVE. Enter it cautiously and know that the feeling my be great, but with everything good there is always some bad. It is up to you to determine if you are willing to endure it.

*smooches*

Mz N.O.B.