My Pain
I wish you could see what you did to me
“Trained” me to be for you
Then left soon as I hit school
Pain I still can’t forget
Special games I would rather forget
Like you forgot me
Felt abandoned and unloved
When I as sixteen picked them back up
Unknowingly going back to the old “games”
Just had new players
They woke a craving I abandoned
Confused what you taught as love with lust
So the men that cared I left
The ones who hurt I chose to trust
Didn’t realize the problem till I was 21
And you tried to restart a story I never knew begun
I understood then when the nightmares came back
And a simple pat on the back received a panic attack
A compliment is never true
Ulterior motives I see them even when not there
Don’t lie and say I’m beautiful
Just say what you want and where
Was my rule for so many years
Plus when you call me out my name it’s irrelevant
Didn’t understand how much pain I was causing
Lost 5 kids so I know why you talking
Fucked brothers and cousins
Even a chic I was cool with husband
Stupid maybe
Naïve hell yes
Trusting never that
Just a scorned lil girl in a woman’s body
Who in this war of life is a vet
With PTSD something I finally accept
April 28, 2012
