Still Hurts

Still Hurts

Hate how much I love you
Even more because you don’t give a damn
Claimed you as my man
But first you were my best friend
Then the drama came
And we both changed
Now you probably couldn’t spot me
Or stop me from doing my thing
Head first in these streets like its nothing
Probably cause since you gone I don’t give a damn
Drinking and smoking trying to get my head right
Niggas and bitches hoping I never make it to light
You the one that kept my heart from being cold
Kept my soul from being black
So when we fell apart
And I crossed that line
I knew there was no coming back
You were my heart and my soul
Still my other half, even through the pain
Can’t let you go and it’s really a shame
Still cry over those twins
They would just be making 2
Acting terrible just like we use to
I knew you were gonna make dem tough
While I spoil dem
21 years, 9 heart breaks, and I’m still moving
But now you gone and I just don’t know how I’mma do it
Everytime I hear our song it hurts
Sleep with my teddy bear it hurts
Meet a nigga with ya name and the pain feel the same
I still hurt cause I want it to be you and me again
The nights I came from the club
Laid next to a sweet gentlemen thug
Dicked down right before I go to sleep
And wake up to the same shit right before I change the sheets
Comforter provider
That’s why he always had a ride or
Die chick in this bitch
Never that kiddie shit
Always free of drama
Except when it came to the baby mama
Feeling like Miss B
How that bitch steady tested me
Everyone surprised I kept my peace
But I did it for the baby hoping the bull would quickly cease
Thinking bout all dis shit
Is about to make me quit
But I thought writing this poem would
Get rid of everything I’m feeling wrong
But the pain still ensues
So the only comfort I have is knowing
He still breathing
Still doing him
Still receiving my love
Even through this its still unshaken
If anything stronger
But being apart from you still hurts
It just hurts

1/28/2011

Tatted

Tatted

You were already tatted on me, my heart and brain
On the verge of being on my skin, so you can imagine the pain
And my surprise
When the thought of you doing me wrong, brought millions of tears to my eyes
Sad part I still love you
Still call ya my baby
Still got ya back
Still want our matching tats

When I think of us I think of the times we had sex
The times we made love
The times we argued
The times we just talked while hugged up
Had two men prior to want or got me tatted on them
Thought about one but the first I even carried his son
Don’t know what is bout a tat
But to see my name on his neck had me wet

In more than the sexual way
I was a juvie and he was a vet
Cried because I felt how much he loved me
Cried cause he was willing to let the world see
He was mines and I was his
The devotion is what contributed to the act of me holding the second one of his kids
Then the jail house promises I got from the next one had me wondering
If he really wanted me for me or just someone to keep him company

Then the stories starting reaching me
Blinded by the pain and the rage of him playing me
Happy I didn’t get that tat on my back
Sad cause he have a daughter the same age as mine should have been
And I try to distance myself but she pulled me back in
Closer to her then his first born
Then back to the last one who I feel bout to be gone
He asked me when I’ll get him tatted on me
I asked when he’ll get me tatted on him

He asked first so I told him when I finish putting in about 9monthes of work
But it gotta result in a boy in order to get the art work
He said when we married we get matching ones on our finger
That way we can never say we don’t remember
But that work gotta go on my chest
I told him I’ll do the inner thigh cause I gotta be professional

So it’s something bout tats that make me ponder
Do u really love me cause I’m embedded in ya skin
Or is it better I’m not there and on ya heart instead
I saw it’s better when I’m there and in ya head
When I make you smile from just the thought of my smile
Not what’s down in between my legs
Numerous relationships between the first and now
And only those three would I be willing to get tatted bout

Call me stupid
Call me insane
Put I’m from the city where tattoos
Are pretty famous
So when I’m able to make up my mind
I’m getting my tattoo right on the bottom of my spine

I'm Back

"Been gon for a minute now I'm back with tthe jumpoff" *in Lil' Kim voice*
hey hi ya doin I kno I said I was gonna be on here hard, but ummmmmmm hey I wasn't oh well. Still at MVSU getting ready for my 2nd semester there I'm a Junior and love how grades looked last semester (1 B the rest A's equalling a 3.8 GPA) Nerd I kow but really idc.
Lets see what has been going on lately......ummmmmmmmmmm

1. oh I pulled a Salt-N-Peppa move and took this girl I was cool w/ man.
2. Me and the Bestie are....well I don't know what we are. I do know he is still my bet friend despite all the bull shit surroundng our relationship.
3. Ummm oh my ex called me yesterday on New Year's Eve and he through me for a loop and believe that is why I got this killer headache.
4. Oh yea got a new bf that I'm truly feeling, but my gut telling me to take it slow cause its just something about this whole situation.
5. Got to "met" my Bestie's 2nd baby mama through fb...already didnt like her from the run in we had on the phone b4, but now I REALLY dnt like her ass

I think that just about covers it if I forgot sumthin I'll let ya'll in on it b/c hopefully I'll be doin entries more often

*smooches*
- BabyGirl