Regret

Ever regret something so bad that you wonder what made you make that choice in the first place. Going through it now and for the life of me I can't up with a good reason. I mean seriously what did I chose. A life full of bull shit where all I get is stress about shit I did. My bad for fucking up, but damn you gonna hold that against me for life? *smh* Whatever man I don't fuck anymore, I'm done pleasing everybody else in this family. I mean all it has done is give me a fucked up mind set, and resulting in me having a miscarriage ever year of my life since I made 16. The first two I admit I did not need at the time, but the thrid time. I was 18 in college, pregnant with twins, for my Bestie, and I didn't know until after the fact. That one hurt me far beyond any other, I still find myself getting sad, even dropping a tear or two, over those two. The one this past summer hurt only because I lost her, knew it was a girl because of how she was kicking my ass, a week after my birthday. Great present right. *rolls eyes* *smh* And here we go again this year, again it's for my Bestie 3weeks in and it's already kicking my ass. At least with this one I'm not drinking or smoking, regardless of how bad I need both. I'll get at you later.
Until next time,
Mz. N.O.B.

MY take on LOVE

Have you been in love so deep that it hurts?

What about feeling your heart physical break?

Have you ever tried to move on to someone else and find

yourself comparing them to the person you trying to get over?

Always changing his ring tone whenever you hear a new

song that fit his place in your heart?

Here the killer:

Have you ever been in that good drunk coma sleep and his ring tone

plays and wakes you up?

I got news for you if you have felt any of these things…….

Drum roll please…………

YOU. ARE. IN. LOVE.

Now you may ask what is this thing called love, and why do we constantly chase after the feeling. I mean let’s be honest. Everybody, and I do mean EVERYBODY has had their heart broken at least once in their life.


If you haven’t yet, then trust me you will. Hate to sound so morbid about the situation, but *shrugs* that’s how the cookie crumbles. I mean sure some people may not deal with it until their life long partner dies while they in their old age. However, the majority go through it while in their teens or twenties.


Lets look at what the word love means according to Webster’s New World Dictionary 4th Edition, shall we. *stands up and clears throat* It says:

Love (luv) n. 1 strong affection or liking for someone or something

2 a passionate affection of one person for another 3 the object of such affection;

a sweetheart or lover 4 Tennis a score of zero

Now doesn’t 1-3 sound so beautiful, nice, and any other mushy feeling word you can think off. Well take a closer look at the fourth definition. It states a score of ZERO, now it does state that it is a term use in the scoring process for the sport of tennis, but the question arrives on why would they name this score a love when it “represents the absence of any quantity or magnitude” or simple “nothing” as two of the four definitions according to my friend Web.


I can’t honestly sit here and say that I never feel in love, because I did. On more than one occasion, however I have regretted it both times because the hurt I get in return is so intense. The last two hurt the most.


One I was with for four years, now of those four he was in jail for one year and seven months, on the run for three. So I basically did not see him for 46% of the relationship. When we first met it was all cool, but I should have took his first action as a clue on what was to come. I can not even begin to understand why he did what he did, it hurt when I found out about his other child, but I handled it because she was made when we were on break. However, the fact he looked me dead in my eyes and told she was not his knowing she was, then all the other lies coming out about different things he has done. I can’t even bare to hear his voice anymore, and I damn sure can’t look him in his eye.


The other one broke my heart and I still this day don’t know how, considering the fact we never went together. Crazy right, *smh* you don’t even know the half. He is one of the few people I don’t care how hard I try I can’t lie to and I hate that fact. I can’t tell the bastard no either, it’s some damn foolishness, a conspiracy I say. Up until I met him I was a pimp in ever sense of the word. I had niggas coming a dime a dozen was honest with them but when a bitch felt like being by herself it was nothing ya dig. This mutha fucker here I actually was chasing and would get mad when he did not have time for me. I mean last time I checked we were just fuck buddies, he is now my Bestie but it took a minute to get there. Well we I called him one night and he was at the bar, *rolling eyes* like always, and said he had to tell me something. I’m like ok cool what’s up. A bitch thinking he was going to come see me or some shit cause at this point I’m no longer in New Orleans. What does this bow-legged mutha fucker say? H informs me that he is back with his youngest child mother. When I say it felt like my heart cracked and my eyes started getting watery, a trait I’m proud not to have in most cases, it took everything in me not to let him hear it. Then he said we can still be cool and do the business when we see each other. I damn near screamed no at him. Keep in mind it’s 3 in the morning and everybody else in my family sleep. After all that you would think he would not be anywhere in my heart or mind, but o no currently…………………he OWNS my heart and LIVES IN my mind.


I state all this simple to give a warning to all those who are thinking about, currently are, or on their way to being in LOVE. Enter it cautiously and know that the feeling my be great, but with everything good there is always some bad. It is up to you to determine if you are willing to endure it.

*smooches*

Mz N.O.B.

Damn....

Damn.

Definition:
1 to condemn to an unhappy fate
2 to condemn to hell
3 to condemn as bad, inferior, etc
4 to swear at by saying "damn"

Used in a sentence:
DAMN you act like your daddy.
or
DAMN you are your father's child.

How the hell I crave hot pickles out the ass, but I can't eat spicy food? Really *dumb look on face*. *in New York City voice* Where they do THAT at???

*smh* If this how the next 37weeks bout to go? Houston we got a FUCKING problem!

*deep breathes* it's ok I can handle this. It's not even fact on if I am or not yet. *sighs* One thing at a time.

*whinning* I want that breakfast though....o well just get some seafood today when my grandma cook later. Love being the baby grandchild at times.

until next time *smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

Just Wondering????

Have you ever felt like you are alone while in a room full of people? I know a question you may have heard many times before, but *shrugs* that's how I've been feeling lately.

Then other times I get to thinking about those near death experiences I have had. Why did I make it? Why did I not die then? Was I really that bad in a former life that I'm supposed to endure all this? Or is it just how my life is supposed to be?

I mean regardless the answers I can't change what is my life. However, maybe I can change the future by changing some of current traits.

That would basically mean no smoking, no drinking, no sex, cutting ties with many people, and just focusing on school. Not something most almost 21years old would consider. Then again I'm not your average 20 years old female.

So hear is to a promise I'm making to myself. *raises imaginary glass* Hope I can do this. No more stress, no more tears, no more pain, no more one-sided-love.

*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

How Much Is He Really Worth???

I saw an intresting video this morning where a woman sued her ex-husband's mistress for 9million dollars, and the thing is she WON!!!! *smh* Damn she lucky.

I know this is the pot calling the kettle black, but *shrugs* in my defense I didn't know that some of those dudes were married...........at least at first. And for all of them, except one, once I found out ties to them were cut.

However, after seeing this I think I'm going to stay very far away from all married men from now on........cause ummm a bitch don't have 9,000 dollars to her name let alone 9 million. I have yet to met a dick that is worth that I'll nicely take a toy and call it a fucking day instead of dealing with the headache.

Any-t-who here is the link to see the video.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/wife-wins-millions-mistress-10177212&tab=9482931§ion=4765066&playlist=&page=1

To Much Time On My Hand

Have you ever been just laying around and started thinking about random shit? Talking about noticing things that have nothing to do with shit that happened yesterday or today.

Well I'm currently in that place, and of course the person it concerns is my Bestie. *rolls eyes* Pathetic I know but I can't stop how I feel.

Any-t-who, I was watching the movie Family Reunion by Tyler Perry and it got to the part talking about your soulmate. Why did it have to be on that part when I woke up from my nap? When it was finish it got me to thinking about how some of the things said were true.

Problem is I'm trying to come to the realization that we can't and won't ever be more than friends. We love each other true, but I guess we not meant to be. *shrugs* O well time to move "on to the next on." *in my Jay-Z voice*

Another thing on my mind is how I always seem to attract bullshit full niggas. You know the ones who seem to think they can run G and I won't notice. *side eye* Surrrrrre yup uh huh and Wayne doesn't have any tatoos and has never smoked a day in his life. Get the fuck outta here with that. I may not call you out on everything, but I do notice it . So when I start acting different or like a straight up bitch you know why.
Also don't front like you don't know what you doing or did. I'm a very crazy person when I click out and I get very violent. I inform them of this when we first start talking, but do they believe me. Of course not I'm too "nice" or too "quiet" I won't snap. Nooo not me I'll just pout and deal with it. *smh*

Shit just funny to me that these niggas really think I'm the nice one, at least till they see me get pissed off. Well that's it for now gotta go clean up this house , *rolls eyes* o joy, but until later.

*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

R.F.M.L. (Royally Fuck My Life)

I just noticed that it seems I always either get preggo or get the symptoms of being such right around April. Now granted I do want to have my kids while I'm in my mid 20's I do not want them at this present moment.
I'm not in the position where I can support a child. Usually I can be in denile about the situtation but i can't even do that right now. I mean I'm craving hot pickles and vanilla ice-cream like really...really, the slightest thing messes up my stomach, I have to use the bathroom all day even when I don't drink anything, and be sleepy for no reason.
Here is where I have the problem though, how in the hell can I have all these symptoms only 2weeks after having sex. Unless it's for Mr. Clingy in which case why am I 4months and not showing!!!!!
*sighs* I honestly don't know what to do right now. *shrugs* I mean I can't just go and get tested at the clinc cause bitchs to nosey here. So even if I'm not some smart ass would still tell my parents I thought I was. Test are never right with me for some plus if I am I need to know how far am I so I can tell the baby about his child.
You know what I'm not gonna worry bout it till May. By then if none of my friends have told me anything I know what the business is, but until then I'mma sit my happy but on a river called denile on this little island named stress.
Until next time.
*smooches*
Mz. N.O.B.

I'm Back Time To Catch Up

Sorry it's been so long since I've wrote in you my dear friend. It's just things have been so crazy (and interesting) month. Let's see where should I begin ummmmmmm. maybe a list would make it easier.

1. I saw my bestie when I went home two weekends ago :D *in London from Suite Life voice* Yaya me!!!! Okay I know it's trife to be that happy, but a bitch ain't seen him since May of 2008.......it's March of 2010. Talk bout me all you please, but I wanted to see my boo.

2. When I got back up to Mississippi it became the attack of the ex's to the 100th power cubed. I mean nigga I haven't heard from in years, not days, not weeks, not months, YEARS began calling me like it's legal in this mug. O and to top it off I ran into one just riding around.

3. I have been getting tempted to make a visit to the past with someone I promised myself and my sisters I would not mess with. I mean he not on the market, (yes he married and I'm a home wrecker), but he be looking fine then a mutha when I see him lately. Idk what I'mma do with that problem *shrugs* I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but for now I'll just have fun flirting with him.

4. I finally caught up with that cutie I met at the gas station that time, and I gave him my number. He called me last night and we talked for a little while. I'm feeling him hard like but I'm be careful cause I can already tell I like him to much.

but that's it for now gotta go back going to Memphis with the lil sis so you know we bout to get in trouble.

*smooches*

MZ. N.O.B.

Side effects

On a trip home to get my grandma (finally) and ya'll already know I got my iPod in. I mean what else is the purpose of having damn near 6000 songs.
Any-t-who I decided to listen to my Mariah E-MC2 to be exact. I truely forgot how much I love this CD. I had the songs on random and it was cool till we got to Side Effects. *smh* I had urka moments one after another but I was cool with.
Ok song ends I'm thinking that's the end of it, but sadly no. What comes on you ask? None other than Love Story it's ok though cause I ended up spending time with 1 my girls back home and 2 da Bestie.
But that is another blog altogether, I'mma get on that one later.
Any-t-who had a good visit over all and can't wait till my birthday so I can go home again.

Always the Baby Mama But Never the Bride

Ok so I was reading the Single Girl's Blog and came across the article below.

And I agree where she coming from on many points, except on when she wants to have kids. *shrugs* Maybe it's just cause I can't see myself waking up to the same person EVERYDAY for the rest of life. I mean if you can do it more power to you, but that is not me.
I'm the type of chick who would have kids (want to at least start by my mid 20's) when I have set myself up financially. Really don't cae about the man's pocket. Main thing I ask is for them to build a relationship with their child.

Now don't get me wrong, THEY WILL CONTRIBUTE WITH MONEY.  I'm just not going trip if they can't afford to spoil them to MY standards. After all I'm a hard bitch to please, which is why I don't think I would get married. *shrugs*  O well being single has it's advantage.

Any-t-who here's the blog hope you enjoy


Always the Baby Mama But Never the Bride

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