Good-Bye

Good-Bye

Everyday I get closer
People can’t see it in me though
So if I ever go threw with it
They won’t be able to believe it
Not the cocky N.O. chic
The one forever on her shit
Who everything going for her
The one who always kept people from taking that fall
Who never let a tear fall
Well you its me
Buried in the wall or 6 feet deep
And I dare a mutha fucker to weep
Know I’m at some type of piece
Hopefully
If you reading this and you blood  then I guess I’m gone
Long as my fam good I can move on
Lil ones know I love you
And I ask you don’t follow me for decades to come
I took the easy way out I admit it
But the pain been in me to long
Whenever I think I’m past it I crash back into it
None of my fam see it
The one who can cheer me up got enough on his plate
Know I can go to him but not trying to make him shake
He what keep me going forward
But I don’t know if I can anymore
I love him like crazy I really do
But he got his life on hold while I finish school
Don’t seem fair to me so maybe I should distance myself
Give him a chance with someone else
Someone in the city who life already good

All that said I think its best I say goodbye
Take an endless nap
Never ending sleep
At least then my mind will be at peace
Body wouldn’t ache
Heart wouldn’t heart
Pressure to be perfect gone
Get to see my kids again
Get to spend the time we never had
Meet the grandma who I’m named after
The older and younger sisters who left me lonely
Yea I’ll miss my girls
My daddy
My love
My grandma
My aunts
My uncles
My cousins
My brothers
But they would survive
12 and 21
Nothing diff but the order of the numbers
Same mindset when it come to guns
Sex
Alcohol
And rest
A foreign state that I’m never in
Happiness and joy????
I never had the pleasure
Pain and being unappreciated
Along with self hatred
Shit they my best friends
Just realized I’m fine and beautiful
To bad I really don’t give a fuck anymore

Like the last stanza began
This is me signing out
So I bid u goodbye
And wish my lil cousins and god/step-kids
A long and minimum stress filled life

May 9, 2011