My Pain

My Pain

I wish you could see what you did to me

“Trained” me to be for you

Then left soon as I hit school

Pain I still can’t forget

Special games I would rather forget

Like you forgot me

Felt abandoned and unloved

When I as sixteen picked them back up

Unknowingly going back to the old “games”

Just had new players

They woke a craving I abandoned

Confused what you taught as love with lust

So the men that cared I left

The ones who hurt I chose to trust

Didn’t realize the problem till I was 21

And you tried to restart a story I never knew begun

I understood then when the nightmares came back

And a simple pat on the back received a panic attack

A compliment is never true

Ulterior motives I see them even when not there

Don’t lie and say I’m beautiful

Just say what you want and where

Was my rule for so many years

Plus when you call me out my name it’s irrelevant

Didn’t understand how much pain I was causing

Lost 5 kids so I know why you talking

Fucked brothers and cousins

Even a chic I was cool with husband

Stupid maybe

Naïve hell yes

Trusting never that

Just a scorned lil girl in a woman’s body

Who in this war of life is a vet

With PTSD something I finally accept

April 28, 2012