Number 1 and Number 2

Number 1 and Number 2

Might not be the first

But you bout to be the last

Tired of the bull shit

I’m more than my past

Tired of being the runner up

Even my number one got me feeling like I’m an option

Yea he said love me

And yea he show it at times

But his baby-mamas be on his mind more than I

They the mother of your kids so I get it

But if you love them so much then why you quit it?

The fact you saying we might as well cause of the length

Like common law can really make a marriage

Better than being someone else number 2

Can’t hate cause he the same to me

Shit got confused for a minute at least on my end

Went from having my heart and a fuck friend

Numbers 1 and 2

To having two number 2s

Cause neither one can get me through

All the pain I carry physical and mental

Add the emotional bull shit breaking threw and it scares me

Remembering a past I blocked out

Older fam giving the same hugs but the vibe different

Niggas who really know me saying that I smile different

Running to my girly shit so the makeup can hide

Adding on weight so people won’t pep my shape

Walk slowly in the rain

So I can release the tears of my pain

No glove something I only did in my past

With my number one something we never used

Which is how we got our two

I miss them daily

God saw fit to take them back

Something I never understood

But number 2 been getting the same treatment

Ever since he treated me on my birthday

Explored spots that needed attention in the worst way

Had me ready to call home and say I’m staying out tonight

I mean baby boy did my RIGHT

And seem to be like wine

Cause it just keep getting better with time

Bad thing bout this is

He known to make kids

Granted they some pretty kids

But still I’m talking kids

Plus I see how the dick got them others

And I refuse to turn into just another typical baby mother

So I’m gonna slow my roll

Keep our shit on the low

Regulate my feelings

Cause I ain’t stopping none our dealings

But my life should be a book

Fiction might be hot but my life is off the hook

Oct. 30, 2011

Just Thinking

Just Thinking

All I do is study work and sleep

I might throw in a smoke or drink while getting something to eat

Your voice use to bring a smile to my face

Your touch would make me weak

Could tell when you were up to no good

Just by how I was feeling

But now our dealings get less

My heart getting cold

Supposed to be engaged but this chapter may go untold

Cause the vibe different

Special days you missing

Old lies coming up

So who was I truly kissing

Don’t get me wrong I love our friendship

Love how you know just what spot to hit

And how you make my body my shake

But it’s something bout him that make my shit quiver

He number 2 but he the reason the rest gone after him

Something you coulda did but you chose to hold your PIMP card

So I kept my lil black book

Had we sat and talked back then none of this would have shook

But hind sight 20-20

And one call was all it took

For my eye to wonder

My heart to stray

Mind to open

Legs to spread

But I stay because of that one golden rule

Never go for like because love is the one who rules

Learned that young but my main problem is

What if you think you love both

So to leave one for the other not an option

Because I don’t know if my heart is the one conflicted or is it my head

Part of me saying stay with number one, another saying being single

And a final saying try it with number two

I really just don’t know what to do

10-2-2011