Stating My Mind

I have notice that when people find out information about my Bestie they always say "You could do so much better" or ask "Why you with him?" Well to all the people with an issue I have one thing to say. KISS.MY.ASS.

Yes, there are things that a NORMAL/TYPICAL female would have found out and got ghost like fucking Bloody Mary, Jason, and Freddy after they ass. However, I learned that you should not judge a book by its cover. He maynot have gone to college but whenever we talk he teaching me shit. Yes, he has two daughters by two different women, but he takes care of his and always make sure they want for nothing. Showed me how to not only love myself, but how to have respect for myself also.

I had relationships with the "right" man. The age apporiate, socially acceptable, and man of equal-yoke. Those were the same men who: lied, cheated, belittled, broke down my self-esteem, and abused me mentally. Those are the men who my mother picked for me, said they were right for me, and wondered why I never lasted with them.

I may bring home hood niggas, but these are true men who will treat me like not only a queen but his best friend. We can disagree over something and not get loud about it. Feel comfortable with him where I can fall asleep on his cheast. Even on my worst day he makes me feel beautiful. Trust him with all my heart. Went to sleep with $1250 out in the open and he didn't take a dollar.

He my heart and when it comes time for me to take that next step I won't think twice about it. Love it, like it, or not I really don't care cause when the dust settles ya'll won't be there.

*smooches*
-BabyGirl

Letter to L.T.

Dear L.,
It has been over 5years since I talked to you, and even after what you did I cannot honestly say that I don't still care for you. If I was to be 100% truthful with how I feel, I still love as much as the last day we kissed. Dreams I remember having when we first met are starting to pop up again. Seem like everything is repeating now that I'm looking back.
- getting closer with my dad
- feel myself getting sick again
- thinking I'm pregnant
- depression setting in (worse this time around)
All the same things I was going through before. Only this time I'm not crying out for you, I'm crying out for my Bestie. He is the one who I found, fixed, and filled my heart after you broke, burned, and buried it.
I turned so cold after you played me that day. Didn't realize it then, but I returned to the lil girl you met that day. Set back out on that track of self destruction. Its not slowly your fault I shoulda been strong enough mentally to not let you in my head.
*smh* I love you but am requesting you leave my brain and dreams alone. Thank you soooooo much.
*smooches*
BabyGirl

CHRIS BROWN -DEUCES- SPOOF

How???

How the fuck people see me everyday, but they have yet to notice I been standing on the edge of a big cliff since I was about 14? The older I get the closer I seem to get to it. Pain seem to be the only thing to calm me down now. Sadly my tolerance(sp?) for it has just grown with time. Which means scratching myself isn't (yes I said isn't) doing the job anymore. Cutting leave to many marks I would have to explain. Refuse to fuck myself to death. Trying to stay away from smoking cause that would led to sex. Only thing left is pill popping, so I take a few too many and it knocks me out. Problem is I used to do the shit so much when I was younger shit don't even effect me anymore. They don't even put me sleep!!!!! Just crazy *smh* guess I'm meant to be here...don't know why I'm here but I am.

- Lanie

Bitch Move

Crying is a bitch move
One I really don't pull
Handle my business like a woman and just play my hand like a fucking goon
Niggas and bitchs who really know me know my mind set
Understand the pain I feel and can't help but respect the fact I play this shit like a vet
Constantly trying to get away from the uncalled for stress
But the closer I get to one marker the farther my main goal gets
I'm so sick of this shit
All I can do is vent
Know my girls mean well
But how it's looking the side I tried hard to bury
Coming out regardless so FUCK it
Just handle my target
Keep the blade ready
And make sure to stay strapped so I'm not considered a target
21 and already tainted goods
But its all good long as I'm not considered a punk
For pulling a bitch move and giving satisfaction to these knuckle headed punks
*smooches*
-Mz. N.O.B.