How???

How the fuck people see me everyday, but they have yet to notice I been standing on the edge of a big cliff since I was about 14? The older I get the closer I seem to get to it. Pain seem to be the only thing to calm me down now. Sadly my tolerance(sp?) for it has just grown with time. Which means scratching myself isn't (yes I said isn't) doing the job anymore. Cutting leave to many marks I would have to explain. Refuse to fuck myself to death. Trying to stay away from smoking cause that would led to sex. Only thing left is pill popping, so I take a few too many and it knocks me out. Problem is I used to do the shit so much when I was younger shit don't even effect me anymore. They don't even put me sleep!!!!! Just crazy *smh* guess I'm meant to be here...don't know why I'm here but I am.

- Lanie