Tatted

Tatted

You were already tatted on me, my heart and brain
On the verge of being on my skin, so you can imagine the pain
And my surprise
When the thought of you doing me wrong, brought millions of tears to my eyes
Sad part I still love you
Still call ya my baby
Still got ya back
Still want our matching tats

When I think of us I think of the times we had sex
The times we made love
The times we argued
The times we just talked while hugged up
Had two men prior to want or got me tatted on them
Thought about one but the first I even carried his son
Don’t know what is bout a tat
But to see my name on his neck had me wet

In more than the sexual way
I was a juvie and he was a vet
Cried because I felt how much he loved me
Cried cause he was willing to let the world see
He was mines and I was his
The devotion is what contributed to the act of me holding the second one of his kids
Then the jail house promises I got from the next one had me wondering
If he really wanted me for me or just someone to keep him company

Then the stories starting reaching me
Blinded by the pain and the rage of him playing me
Happy I didn’t get that tat on my back
Sad cause he have a daughter the same age as mine should have been
And I try to distance myself but she pulled me back in
Closer to her then his first born
Then back to the last one who I feel bout to be gone
He asked me when I’ll get him tatted on me
I asked when he’ll get me tatted on him

He asked first so I told him when I finish putting in about 9monthes of work
But it gotta result in a boy in order to get the art work
He said when we married we get matching ones on our finger
That way we can never say we don’t remember
But that work gotta go on my chest
I told him I’ll do the inner thigh cause I gotta be professional

So it’s something bout tats that make me ponder
Do u really love me cause I’m embedded in ya skin
Or is it better I’m not there and on ya heart instead
I saw it’s better when I’m there and in ya head
When I make you smile from just the thought of my smile
Not what’s down in between my legs
Numerous relationships between the first and now
And only those three would I be willing to get tatted bout

Call me stupid
Call me insane
Put I’m from the city where tattoos
Are pretty famous
So when I’m able to make up my mind
I’m getting my tattoo right on the bottom of my spine

I'm Back

"Been gon for a minute now I'm back with tthe jumpoff" *in Lil' Kim voice*
hey hi ya doin I kno I said I was gonna be on here hard, but ummmmmmm hey I wasn't oh well. Still at MVSU getting ready for my 2nd semester there I'm a Junior and love how grades looked last semester (1 B the rest A's equalling a 3.8 GPA) Nerd I kow but really idc.
Lets see what has been going on lately......ummmmmmmmmmm

1. oh I pulled a Salt-N-Peppa move and took this girl I was cool w/ man.
2. Me and the Bestie are....well I don't know what we are. I do know he is still my bet friend despite all the bull shit surroundng our relationship.
3. Ummm oh my ex called me yesterday on New Year's Eve and he through me for a loop and believe that is why I got this killer headache.
4. Oh yea got a new bf that I'm truly feeling, but my gut telling me to take it slow cause its just something about this whole situation.
5. Got to "met" my Bestie's 2nd baby mama through fb...already didnt like her from the run in we had on the phone b4, but now I REALLY dnt like her ass

I think that just about covers it if I forgot sumthin I'll let ya'll in on it b/c hopefully I'll be doin entries more often

*smooches*
- BabyGirl

Cried Out

Cried Out

Loved you even though I knew all ya faults
Never cared because you knew all mines from the start
Always respected me, at least that’s what you claimed
Had me willing to do anything for you stayed claiming ya last name
And you play me like a groupie from round the way
Must have got me confused with the bitches you fucked from back in the day
Forgot you taught me how to be a gutta bitch
Was already a rider cause the males in my fam taught me that shit

I please my man out of love and you know that
But if you push too much I’m not afraid to push back
Met ya cousins and ya boys heard ya tell ya mom about me
Know you a thug, ya own child call ya rowdy
But I loved you still
Held you down and kept it all the way real

So imagine my surprise when I heard you played me
Know not to believe that he said she said but the info was sum crazy
They told me shit I knew was true
Time frame fit and knew ya crew
Named ya kids and ya spots
Even called ya baby mama name out
All that shit added to my regular stress
No wonder I snapped and let tears my face them dress

After all this info you would think I’m through
But I still love you harder than a fat kid love food
I see I gotta love ya from a distance though
Always have a place in my heart just can’t let it show
Moving on to someone who treat me better
Was there for the drama so you know I deserve the sunny weather

Hope we remain friends though
My new man can’t stand you but he love it to see me happy so
If I ask him to trust me with you I think he can manage
Cause to lose you as my man is tough however it’s reversible damage
But to lose my best friend would be to much for me to handle
Compared to you my sisters can’t hold a candle
Even though from what I’m told you think I’m aggravating

So maybe we should lose all contact and I learn to deal with shit dolo
This the reason I’m scared to love don’t get pain when I’m solo
But I be closer to death cause I be on them suicidal missions
Welcoming all kind of pain sisters think I’m tripping
A place only love can reach me but can still be ignored
Where the tears flow none stop while my story goes untold
That’s the way I like it though a burden to no one
Just drown myself till I’ve cried myself out and the tears are done

Da Violent One Is Back

Hey world Lil' One aka babygirl aka Shorty aka Lanie aka N.O. aka Buffyy aka Chucky aka da Violent One and the list goes on, but I'm back in the building *in my Madea voice* "How ya durin?" lol

I know I been missing for a minute, but ummm school been kicking my ass. Combine that with all the bull shit that have been constantly getting thrown in my face since around Thanksgiving.

*screwed up face* Short version...Somebody been putting me under the bus had me thinking I was hoe for going on a little over a year. Then add to that the fact her sex life has larger numbers than I do when it come to the number of partners. Plus SHE is the one who has the bad rep not me........Yea lets just say she lucky I'm working on my temper.

But don't think I won't remember that shit, because the days of me jumping in some water head first behind her is over. Like the bitch always says she grown, so handle ya business like she grown without the help of me.

I never really wanted a dream to come true as much as I wanted the one where I beat the brakes off this bitch to come true.

All this situation has succeeded in doing is bringing THAT Bitch in me, and when I say my evil side is showing her head. That mutha fucker is coming out in rare form and with a vengeance like no other. The funniest thing about this whole thing is the fact the bitch got the nerve to have a stank attitude with me. I'mma let her have it though cause her duck ass still think we cool and shit.

Guess she didn't realize that the only reason that hoe been making it and not getting beat down by many a female was because no one wanted to deal with me. Now since I don't fuck with her i wonder how longit's going to take for her to get her ass bust. *shrugs* Not my problem just wish i could see it.

Talk to ya later,
*smooches*

-BabyGirl

DAMN!!!

Soooooo cutie I was digging and crushing on at my new school (MVSU home of the Devils 0_o). I'm talking really digging which surprised me. I haven't crushed on a nigga in a minute, I mean I would just tell them I liked them and call it a done deal. They liked me they liked me; they didn't they didn't fuck it. However, this particular young man I went back to old Lanie and I was shy as the fuck. Only time I got bold was when I was either high or drunk and that still wasn't what he needed to see.
I asked him if he was in a relationship or on the verge of getting into one, and he said he was thinking bout it. Insert sad face here.
*deep breathes* My bad. Had a moment. But add that to the fact I had a car accident Wed (Oct. 20) and all I can say after receiving 50+ calls from my stalking ass ex and all I can say is........DAMN!!!!!
In other news looks like I'mma be going home for the week after Christmas. Will keep you updated on that as time goes on.
Until next time,
*smooches*
-BabyGirl