The Current Me (2013)

Current Me

(2013)

When I was young my self-esteem was extreme

But the older I got I started seeing the world, and realized I was just a cent

Compared to the glamour, my style is minuet

Family always downed me, so my passion for fashion was slowly removed

Add the other “incidents” and my little bit of confidence was gone

Eight years old walking round like I’m grown

People didn’t see the mask that hid my scars

When I tried to share was called a liar and sent to the back

So all my emotions over the years I just packed

Never saw my true beauty especially in my teen years

Was always the FAT friend, add that my trust issues

Any male that approached me I put a wall up

Wasn’t playing hard to get, just knew with my tender heart and mind; I had to be tough

My legs opened easily because that “precious” gift been took

Let two in my heart but within a year regretted adding them to my book

So after that I never let anyone get close, never got possessive

Never let my feelings show, rule that was embedded in me

People who hurt me most, were the ones who spoiled me

So to this day I’m slow to accept a gift

Starting to truly see my beauty, not fully, but better than before

Understanding my shape attract attention, both good and bad, and age make it worse

Knowing I’m more than just a chick you sneak in the back or around with

My mind alone makes me someone you should show pride with

I know my faults and admit to them

Try to better myself but I’m not perfect

Starting to get “cocky” so no longer feel I have to prove I’m worthy

Accomplished a lot of goals and not even half way out my twenties

Let my guard down to those who deserve it

That respects me as much if not more than I respect myself

At 23 I’m actually seeing myself as a powerful, intellectual, beautiful woman

01- 16-2013

Life

Life

I don’t even smoke no more

No longer get high

I don’t even drink no more

Trying to see how I get by

Not even content when I smile

Real friends see in my eyes

Guess that’s why

Been popping since I was five

Southern “lady”

New Orleans raised me

Katrina bathed me

Mississippi preyed on me like crazy

Now I’m back cutting

Which lead to scare

Not leaving the house

So I end up with more stress

Flashbacks to my younger years

Pain others joke and lie about

I really lived

Swear I can write a movie

From these held back tears

So I guess it’s back to smoking

Probably can handle an ounce a day now

Cause the pain to strong so 4 blunts just gonna tease me

Finally tried syrup and it go down easy

Had a good sleep

Just ended to soon

Guess I found a new vice

Gotta see if this one is a perfect fit

Cause this 89 baby tired of it

April 24, 2012

Cried Out

Cried Out

Loved you even though I knew all ya faults
Never cared because you knew all mines from the start
Always respected me, at least that’s what you claimed
Had me willing to do anything for you stayed claiming ya last name
And you play me like a groupie from round the way
Must have got me confused with the bitches you fucked from back in the day
Forgot you taught me how to be a gutta bitch
Was already a rider cause the males in my fam taught me that shit

I please my man out of love and you know that
But if you push too much I’m not afraid to push back
Met ya cousins and ya boys heard ya tell ya mom about me
Know you a thug, ya own child call ya rowdy
But I loved you still
Held you down and kept it all the way real

So imagine my surprise when I heard you played me
Know not to believe that he said she said but the info was sum crazy
They told me shit I knew was true
Time frame fit and knew ya crew
Named ya kids and ya spots
Even called ya baby mama name out
All that shit added to my regular stress
No wonder I snapped and let tears my face them dress

After all this info you would think I’m through
But I still love you harder than a fat kid love food
I see I gotta love ya from a distance though
Always have a place in my heart just can’t let it show
Moving on to someone who treat me better
Was there for the drama so you know I deserve the sunny weather

Hope we remain friends though
My new man can’t stand you but he love it to see me happy so
If I ask him to trust me with you I think he can manage
Cause to lose you as my man is tough however it’s reversible damage
But to lose my best friend would be to much for me to handle
Compared to you my sisters can’t hold a candle
Even though from what I’m told you think I’m aggravating

So maybe we should lose all contact and I learn to deal with shit dolo
This the reason I’m scared to love don’t get pain when I’m solo
But I be closer to death cause I be on them suicidal missions
Welcoming all kind of pain sisters think I’m tripping
A place only love can reach me but can still be ignored
Where the tears flow none stop while my story goes untold
That’s the way I like it though a burden to no one
Just drown myself till I’ve cried myself out and the tears are done