CHRIS BROWN -DEUCES- SPOOF

How???

How the fuck people see me everyday, but they have yet to notice I been standing on the edge of a big cliff since I was about 14? The older I get the closer I seem to get to it. Pain seem to be the only thing to calm me down now. Sadly my tolerance(sp?) for it has just grown with time. Which means scratching myself isn't (yes I said isn't) doing the job anymore. Cutting leave to many marks I would have to explain. Refuse to fuck myself to death. Trying to stay away from smoking cause that would led to sex. Only thing left is pill popping, so I take a few too many and it knocks me out. Problem is I used to do the shit so much when I was younger shit don't even effect me anymore. They don't even put me sleep!!!!! Just crazy *smh* guess I'm meant to be here...don't know why I'm here but I am.

- Lanie

Bitch Move

Crying is a bitch move
One I really don't pull
Handle my business like a woman and just play my hand like a fucking goon
Niggas and bitchs who really know me know my mind set
Understand the pain I feel and can't help but respect the fact I play this shit like a vet
Constantly trying to get away from the uncalled for stress
But the closer I get to one marker the farther my main goal gets
I'm so sick of this shit
All I can do is vent
Know my girls mean well
But how it's looking the side I tried hard to bury
Coming out regardless so FUCK it
Just handle my target
Keep the blade ready
And make sure to stay strapped so I'm not considered a target
21 and already tainted goods
But its all good long as I'm not considered a punk
For pulling a bitch move and giving satisfaction to these knuckle headed punks
*smooches*
-Mz. N.O.B.

My Month!?!?!?!?

Hate this month but love it at the same time. Yes my bday is this month (the 17th) which is good....I guess?

Not doing anything special so I really don't give a fuck.

But I also have a lot of relatives who are born in this month. Some of whom are now no longer with us, what sucks?????

The fact that at times I wish it was me instead of them. They had kids or parents/siblings that really needed/cared for them that got left behind. I don't.

My "family" that I would truly go to war far are not even blood related...at least not the ones who are in they 30s and a female. *smh*

You would think I'd be happily counting down the days until my 21st BDay. Instead I'm just trying to make it to another day without breaking down or clicking out.

So to all those born in this beautiful month of July. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Hope u have a good day, week, and month :) .

*smooches*
-Mz. N.O.B.

***FLASHBACKS***

Sitting here enjoying my last day before I return to summer school. I'm reading the latest book for The Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J. R. Ward, and for some reason I can't help but have these flashbacks to me and the Bestie. It's not just one time though, but yet a combo off all the times we been together. Did I just say "but yet" oh wow I really need for my brain to get out of school mode for like 8 more hours lol.

Any-t-who reading all these sex scenes and how the characters' feelings for their other halves and add the slow jams that seem to be on repeat on the music channel. He is the only person I seem to be worried about. Which is funny to me on so many levels because he is my baby yes, but he is not my man.

The questions then comes: why do I act as if he is mines? *shrugs* Yes that is the question that I have been searching to answer for going on 3years now. The first year we hung I was in denile about my feelings so it does not count.

I guess the answer will come to me when it is meant for me to know.. When it bdoes promise ya'll will be the first to know. Ya'll know the deal though.

Until then
-Mz. N.O.B.