Valentine's Day..........O Joy

Soooooooooooooo yesterday was V-Day, I honestly can't stand that holiday, and for the most part it was a good day, keyword DAY.

I had an ex, who is currently in jail might I add, called me that night when I made it back in the house. Shock does not begin to cove how I felt. I mean I haven't talked to him in God's knows how long on the phone, and I haven't wrote him in over a year, so seriously what does he possible have to discuss with me. *smh*

Now I won't sit here and lie like I don't still have feelings for his tall cat eyed ass cause I do, but a bitch can only take so much pain being constantly thrown my way. I met him and he had 3 kids cool, I treated them as my own. I had no problem playing step-mama, I love kids and admired the fact he actually took care of his unlike some niggas out here. I rocked with him while he was constantly in and out of jail. Something I always said I would never do, but I did cause I thought he was being honest with me. Whenever he asked me something I told him the truth, I hid nothing from him. What do I get in return? I get him making a baby with his first baby mama, which had he told me I would not have held it against him.

Before ya'll get that "this bitch stupid as hell" let it be stated me and him were not together when his daughter was made. We both were doing us, it's just he gotta live with his doing him till he die, I don't.

But what does this nigga do? He keeps this secert, and not unil he find out if it's his or not. Ooooooooooooo no he keeps it's hidden until he about to find out how long his bid is. Guess he figure I'mma fnd out anyway so I might as well hear it from him to lesson the blow. By this point in time she is 18 MONTHS. Not 1 or 2 18 add the other 9 when o girl was preggoand you have 27 which is roughly 2.25years where he lied to me in my face.

And you know what I do.....................I still held the nigga down like a fucking dumb ass fool. I admit it I was a straight simple minded common bitch. I was still writing this fool and let me tell you stamp and envelopes not cheap by a long shot. I made sure money was on his books, that his mama, son, and daughter were carried for, which I still do minus his books. I gotta spoil his kids because I was with him from the time his son was 2 until he was 6. I couldn't do my boy like that I was leaving his daddy not him. I did for his sister too cause that's just wrong to do for her brother and not her, she had nothing to do her father being a lying bastard. Plus lil mama to precious couldn't help, but love her.

But I degress back to my V-Day. So after I got that call, I got a text saying happy valentine's day from this dude up here that has been trying to get with me since 2007. O shall I say smash since 2007, but i haven't talked to since early 2009. *side eye* Really nigga. Okay since I had a good day I was nice, I texted him back a thank you even though I was honoring Anti-VDay (or Anti-Love Day which every floats your boat). The lil convo was going good until two things happened.

1. He said I still love you. Now nigga granted you cool people and have a good heart. I know you only smash, and that is a no go because I went with your brother, and used to flirt ith your cousin eventhough nothing came from it. (Yes I was a hoe if you read the other post ou already know this)
2. He was trying to get me to come by his house. This was a no go again because a) it was raining and I'm like a cat to water me no like rain when I have my hair out. no had I had a fitted or braids I would not have cared bout the rain and woul have still been out. b) I was bout to eat anda big girl ain't et all day I was starting to see double and shit that's so not cute. Finally c) NIGGA ALL YOU WANT IS TO SMASH!!!!!

After all that was said and done I didn't get another text from his ass. I promise you niggas are a fucking trip.

Well that was my Anti-VDay I hope yours was as evetfull as mines, but in a good way.

To my New Orleans People Hope ya'll fun tomorrow at Mardi Gras, and if you going to Zulu be under the bridge if you a local you already now lol.

"LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULEZ"
MZ. N.O.B.

Me Married????????????

I can not wait until I can be in my baby presence, or at least hear his voice. Damn I love this man more than anything, not gonna lie the shit scaes me. I'm afraid to love him as much as I do. I know my girls tired of me alwys talking bout hi ight about now (sorry chicas lol I LUV UUUUUUUUU).

I mean I see how things go for everyone around me when they get to the level past ours. We are not them, their pit falls we know to avoid. However, things a people cange over time. What if we change into two peple that are no longer right for each other?

I don't want to end up like my parents, married, keeping secerts, puting me (their child) in the middle of their issuses. Granted I'm grown now, I've noticed in depth the things tha ave been going on since I was small. Personally I think they are not meant to be together. Maybe itis because my egg donor (mother) had plans on becoming a nun, but some how ended up with my daddy.

Then you have two of my aunts who legally are still married, but their husbands do not stay with them. Even though they live in the same city/town with them. Can not forget there is my cousin/godfather who is in the middle of his second divorce.

I mean seriously people, and ya'll call me crazy for doing wanting the kids without the husband.

The only images I saw of  good "marriage" were fairytales. Which really just show the weddings, and not the hard process of keeping the relationship tha would lead to the "happily ever after".

I can't see myself with anyone else though, so when the time comes I want the wedding, duh, but in our vows their need to be a part where we promise to steadily do the small things we do now; to grow but still remain true to ourselves an each other; and to aways speak the truth regardless of how hard it may be. I kow true marriages exist in real life, and I plan to be an example to the next generations coming up in this world.

Holla,
Mz. P

Finally

It took us four years of being just friends to finally accept the fact we were made for each other. The only person I have ever been completely myself around. Who would have ever saw this coming though? I mean the age thing had me thinking we were just meant to be friends, I mean what would you possible see in me.


Yes, I'm smart (books and in the mouth), attractive (think different you can kick rocks), good listener, caring (if I like you if I don't you out of luck). However I still did not see what he saw in me. He did not understand either. Both of us having a past that make us think no one should want us.

So much alike it is scary at times, but regardless of how hard we tried to be with others it didn't work. I don't care anymore, he my heart and the sooner I not only realize that, but I accept it as well. The sooner I can worry and stress out about other things in my life.

Sorry so hot but just was on my mind and had to get it off *muah* enjoy the rest of your day.

Bestie 2

Have u ever loved someone so much
that u damn near melt at their touch
Someone who makes u love yourself
regardless of what someone else may say
Put a smile on your face 10miles wide
that no one can take away
Never thought i would meet someone
who i could see myself with forever
Who i feel protected with
and will stand beside in any type of weather
I can see us at the alter
cause he tatted on my heart
I can feel him all around me
i truely loved him from the start
And after our convo
i could feel he felt da spark
Looks like we may be each other's future and leave it at that

Random Thoughts 1

Sooooooooooooo school has started and I'm back to my old ways of not sleeping, or when I do sleep having crazy dreams. Just wonderful isn't it. *shrugs* Oh well as long as I have my books to read (yes I'm a nerd and like reading more people need to get in that habit), music and cell phone I'm fine.

I need to get back to working out soI can get under 200lbs for my 21st birthday this summer. Despite what many may think, I have the lowest self-esteem you could imangine.

Now don't get me wrong I stand up for myself for the most part, and will tell you off in a minute if you try to disrespect me. However, if you ask me to name one, yes just one, positive thing about me I couldn't tell you. I can pin point all the flaws in a anything someone positive says aout me. I guess that is what made me into such a town boy when I was younger. So as I got older it just became my comfort zone. Downside for some relationships I feel the need to stick it out even through the bullshit because I don't feel as if i deserve better.

Don't feel sorry for me though it helped me get some very intresting friends and learn how males think. Which helps me peep game for the rare times I want to be in a relationship, and as I get older I'm slowly realizing my worth. While I may not be as polished and clean cut as others I am still a diamond in my own right.

Granted a mean, sometimes cold-hearted, overly honest diamond, but a diamond non the less. So in the words of Soulja Slim "love me or love me not I'm gonna be me"

Mz. N.O.B.