Love From A Que

Church

So I'm sitting in the car in the church parking lot in the above outfit. All I could seem to do was do just that sit. I never felt the need to get out the car and go in. At least not at this church. Now the one I attend on 1st and 3rd Sunday I love to go to.
Considering all the hell I have raised you would think I wouldn't even go, but I do. I just choose not to go where I don't feel welcomed at. I mean why should I.
The church is God's house so why do I feel welcomed at some and out of place at others????
Simple the people in the church.
It seem like its a fashion show or contest more than a place of worship. And for all that I can go to the club, hell I can go to school.
But as I write this post I can't help but wonder is there really any place I can go to and feel welcomed???
Again simple answer. No at least not fully so another question comes. Why do we ignore the feeling when anywhere else but use it as an excuse when we feel it at church?
I don't know the answer to that one. Guess that's why I'm still in the car. *smh* Hopefully I will get that answer as I get wiser.
Anyway talk to y'all another day got runs to make. *lol*
Smooches
Mz. N.O.B.

5-22-2011

~ Woman Mind Set ~

~ Woman Mind Set~

If I was a dude my demeanor would be understood

But since I’m a female they say I need to stop acting hood

Do like a woman should and stay in da house

Sit and look pretty, be as quiet as a mouse

Sorry that’s not me

My heart is in these streets

Might look it but far from stuck up

May be laid back but quick to tell you shut da fuck up

Fav color pink but mostly catch me in black

Down south bitch from da very bottom of the map

Born below sea level so drownin not an option

Stay in D-girl mode but can rock heels while I’m mopping

From the boot shaped state so always stepping hard

Straight all over so nigga u could never pull my card

From jump I told ya how I rock with mostly niggas

And the females I click with I still keep at a distance

So when I feel out with the same bitches u said u didn’t like

Fuck u believe them hoes when the told u lies out of spite

Then u sent me a text saying I’m lying

Niggas I call brothers really my fuck partners

So u gone don’t even wanta be friends

Shit hurt but all I could say was fuck it guess that’s where it ends

3 weeks later I get a call from u

Asking do I wanta chill

Now I’m looking confused like really

After all the shit you said trying to play me

Plus the bull shit I heard bout you trying to get back with ya ex

But you smoke that good good

And I never gotta pay so I block with ya thru the hood

We smoking and we talking

But he urking so I tell him get to walking

I go back to the town I lay my head at

Run into someone who I been crushing on

We kick it like crazy but he everything I said wouldn’t do

I call him my Trey because his smile a killer and skin so smooth

He a sweetheart and a freak

Only one up my way who can make my body skeet

From the thought of him alone

Guess that’s why I love it when we alone

Regardless of if we in public or not

One of the few who can truly make my heart stop

But the feelings never shown

Don’t get weak and can’t tell them no

I hold my ground like a boss bitch

Guess that’s why I never trip on silly shit

A woman who put herself first what a shocker

Guess that’s why ppl always checking if I’m a cradle robber

But I like them older

Least mentally so when times do get to rough I got a shoulder

This the life of a tomboy turning girly on the outside

Mind staying the same so the concept is straight wild

5-21-2011

~ Don't Deserve ~

~Don't Deserve~

I'm always honest on my end when based on how I feel
Because of all the charges I can get you can never say I didn't keep it real
You might not have been #1 but you were working on owning the spot
That's why I pushed away because I thought you were to good to have that spot
Mind on straight and you had goals
Whats the point of you hooking up with me and I turn your heart cold
First time I thought we would just chill
Thats how it turned out but I felt the connection
From the talking and touching and music selection
The way he had me smiling for days
Having a phantom feel of his hands on my legs
But like I said before he deserve better

So when I see him with one of his son's mother I don't sweat him
If anything it make the respect him even more
A young black man
in school
working
and doing for his blood
A real man respect women and still have it in him to be hood
Go getter but in church
Get his by doing legal work
Again the reason I don't deserve him

Yea he got a violent pass
But I know me and I would bring it back
His smile to perfect
Skin so smooth
Dreds fat but neat
And soft when I run my had through them
Both from the boot
So our stamina off the meter

When he get food in front he always clean the plate
How he give it I cant help but want reciprocate
Then I'm a Cancer so 69 my style
And when he digging from the back have me going wild
But as I said before
And after this I'l say it no more
He deserve better
So better he shall receive
I'mma  back off and let you do
But if you come this way again I won't be so confused

May 15, 2011

Good-Bye

Good-Bye

Everyday I get closer
People can’t see it in me though
So if I ever go threw with it
They won’t be able to believe it
Not the cocky N.O. chic
The one forever on her shit
Who everything going for her
The one who always kept people from taking that fall
Who never let a tear fall
Well you its me
Buried in the wall or 6 feet deep
And I dare a mutha fucker to weep
Know I’m at some type of piece
Hopefully
If you reading this and you blood  then I guess I’m gone
Long as my fam good I can move on
Lil ones know I love you
And I ask you don’t follow me for decades to come
I took the easy way out I admit it
But the pain been in me to long
Whenever I think I’m past it I crash back into it
None of my fam see it
The one who can cheer me up got enough on his plate
Know I can go to him but not trying to make him shake
He what keep me going forward
But I don’t know if I can anymore
I love him like crazy I really do
But he got his life on hold while I finish school
Don’t seem fair to me so maybe I should distance myself
Give him a chance with someone else
Someone in the city who life already good

All that said I think its best I say goodbye
Take an endless nap
Never ending sleep
At least then my mind will be at peace
Body wouldn’t ache
Heart wouldn’t heart
Pressure to be perfect gone
Get to see my kids again
Get to spend the time we never had
Meet the grandma who I’m named after
The older and younger sisters who left me lonely
Yea I’ll miss my girls
My daddy
My love
My grandma
My aunts
My uncles
My cousins
My brothers
But they would survive
12 and 21
Nothing diff but the order of the numbers
Same mindset when it come to guns
Sex
Alcohol
And rest
A foreign state that I’m never in
Happiness and joy????
I never had the pleasure
Pain and being unappreciated
Along with self hatred
Shit they my best friends
Just realized I’m fine and beautiful
To bad I really don’t give a fuck anymore

Like the last stanza began
This is me signing out
So I bid u goodbye
And wish my lil cousins and god/step-kids
A long and minimum stress filled life

May 9, 2011